The Ultimate Technique
by mikebreslau
Summary: Nabiki creates a challenge that Ranma cannot possibly succeed at. But Ranma never loses... Now expanded and concluded.
1. 1 Ranma

The Ultimate Technique

by Mike Breslau

It was a typical day in the Tendo household. The sky was blue, the grass was green, and Akane was angry.

Akane slammed the door as she stormed into the living room. "Ooh! I just can't stand that arrogant jerk."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow, as if to ask "What now?"

Akane continued, "He's rude and conceited and just plain insufferable..."

"And so much better than you are," interrupted Nabiki.

Akane glared at her sister, and then slumped in defeat. "He can fight better than me, he can swim better than me,  
he can cook better than me,  
he can sew better than me, his girl side is cuter than me, and I wouldn't even put it past that baka to be a better mother than me. How can I ever compete with Ranma? He makes me feel like a failure."

"Well, at least you've admitted it, that's a start," said Nabiki wryly.  
"Are you going to try to improve yourself, or do you want to tear Ranma down?"

Akane was shocked. "Improve myself?"

Nabiki apologized quickly. "Sorry, shouldn't have mentioned it. It's just not your style." There was a pregnant pause.

"How can I tear Ranma down? There isn't anything he can't do," Akane complained.

Nabiki smirked. "There are many things he can't do: he can't pet a kitten, or ignore free food, or refuse a challenge. Need I go on? He is human, Akane."

"That's true, I guess."

"What if we gave him a challenge that's impossible to complete? He couldn't refuse and he couldn't succeed. Would that satisfy you?"

Akane's mood lifted. "I like it. Where can we find such a challenge?"

Another smirk. "Leave that to me, little sister."

Nabiki spent several days designing and fabricating her instrument of revenge, then she hid it in the attic and waited. On Saturday, as Soun and Genma were away in a bar plotting yet another hare-brained scheme to get their children hitched, she struck.

Nabiki came down stairs holding a musty-looking old scroll. "Hey,  
Ranma-kun, look what I found in the attic. I think it's a martial art technique."

Ranma perked up. "Yeah? Lemme see." He was practically salivating.

Nabiki blew off some dust and carefully unrolled the start of the brittle-seeming scroll. The words "The Ultimate Technique," written in an archaic-appearing style, appeared.

"Oh wow!" exclaimed Ranma, and he rudely grabbed the scroll from Nabiki's hands.

"Hey, be careful with that," warned Nabiki, "It's old and fragile."

Ranma put the scroll down on a table and gently unrolled it a little further. He read aloud, "He who masters this technique need never learn another, for he will be able to sense and control all the matter and energy in the..." He paused in confusion and asked Nabiki, "What's this word mean?"

"It used to mean 'the whole world,' but now it might be interpreted as 'the cosmos'," she supplied helpfully.

Ranma's eyes widened. He excitedly unrolled the scroll further.  
"Warning: while it probably will not harm you, the ultimate technique is very difficult to master. Only a few people have learned it - and they have changed the course of history."

"That makes sense," Ranma mused, "An ultimate technique would have to be hard to learn, or else everyone would be using it." He unrolled the scroll further.

"The student must spend at least four days and nights concentrating only on learning the technique. He must not eat, drink, or sleep during this time. The student has to attain an egoless state of awareness without thinking or dreaming." Ranma looked worried. "Four days without eating?  
I suppose I could do that, but I wouldn't like it."

Nabiki nodded in agreement, and grinned to herself.

Ranma carefully unrolled a little more. "In the egoless state the student must give up all worrying, all caring, all wanting. In fact, he must not even want to learn this technique, for that desire would be a distraction." Ranma was outraged. "That's impossible! The only way to learn this technique is not to want to learn it. That makes no sense..."

"It did warn you that it's very difficult to learn," Nabiki reminded him helpfully.

Ranma unrolled the remainder of the scroll. "Once the perfect state of quiet alertness is attained there will be no distinction between your body and the world. You will be able to feel and move a mountain as easily as you feel and move your finger." He paused. "That's very tempting. If I could learn this then I'd be the best martial artist in the world." Ranma sighed. "But it'll never happen. No way would people leave me alone for four days. I can't even get a full night's sleep without somebody interrupting."

Nabiki said, "I bet you can't learn it even if I keep everyone from bothering you."

Ranma couldn't resist a challenge. "You're on. If I learn it, you forgive all my debts and don't charge me for anything for an entire year. And if anyone disturbs me while I'm trying to learn, then you lose."

Nabiki was taken aback. Those were high stakes. "Okay, but if I win then your debt is doubled and I get to take 30 pictures of each of your forms."

"All right, it's a deal," agreed Ranma. "Can you really keep my friends and enemies away from me?"

"No problem," Nabiki answered. "Ukyo will listen to reason, especially if it's only four days. Shampoo respects you, but she fears me. I'll explain to Nodoka that you're being 'manly,' and she'll keep Genma away.  
I can handle my father easily enough. Only Ryoga might be a problem -  
he's too pigheaded and impulsive - but he's rarely here."

Sunday morning Ranma ate a big breakfast and sequestered himself in the dojo. He closed the windows and doors, and settled down in the middle of the floor to meditate.

Akane greeted her sister later that day. "I see he fell for it. Are you sure he can't master this technique?"

Nabiki answered, "It was designed to be hard for him to learn. Ranma is a man of action; he specializes in speed and action without thought. Can you imagine him being still for four days straight? Or thinking without acting? Besides, it's not a real technique. I made the whole thing up."

Akane nodded. "Can we see what he's doing without peeking in the windows? We're not supposed to disturb or approach him..."

Nabiki grinned. "I've set up a webcam in the dojo. Come on up to my room and we can watch him on my laptop."

They went upstairs. Nabiki booted her computer and soon had an image onscreen. The picture was dim at first because it was dark in the dojo,  
but adjusting the contrast and brightness quickly made it quite viewable. She increased the volume on the audio track until Ranma's breathing could be faintly heard.

"It looks like he's having trouble being quiet," observed the older sister.

"That baka couldn't hold still if his life depended on it," replied Akane.

Nabiki set her computer to take a snapshot of the image every few minutes, and they left.

After school on Monday the Tendo daughters gathered in Nabiki's room to check on Ranma's progress. He was sitting seiza in the center of the dojo floor and as still as a statue.

"Oh my!" exclaimed Kasumi, "Is he dead?"

"No, the baka's probably just asleep," replied Akane derisively.

"I don't think so," offered Nabiki, "Nobody could sleep in that position." She brought up an image-processing program and had it compare the five most recent snapshots.

They were pixel-by-pixel identical.

"Oh my..." muttered Nabiki uncharacteristically, "I didn't think anyone could hold that still." She increased the audio volume to its maximum,  
and a slow steady breathing could faintly be heard. Ranma was still alive.

That evening, just before going to bed, Nabiki decided to take another peek at her current victim. She wasn't sure if she could get a good image, since it was dark out and there were no lights on in the dojo. To her surprise the light level was the same as it had been earlier, and so the image quality was unimpaired. Ranma looked the same as before,  
except his clothes, which had been the usual red and black, were now glistening white. She realized with a start that Ranma seemed to be glowing slightly. "Must be his aura," she thought.

Suddenly, Ranma turned and stared straight into the camera, giving Nabiki the impression that he was looking directly at her, into her, and through her. She reflexively shrank back from his gaze. After a moment Ranma winked at her and then he abruptly disappeared.

"Okay, that was unexpected," thought Nabiki. Thinking it might be his father's silent thief invisibility technique, she checked the audio channel. Silence. Ranma was either somewhere else or holding his breath.  
Nabiki went to be feeling troubled. It looked as if her little jest had spun out of her control - and Nabiki hated not being in control.

The Tendos were awakened that night by a light brighter than the sun coming from the dojo. Nabiki covered her eyes with her hand and attempted to peek between her fingers. The dojo windows and doors were still closed, but the intense light shone through every crack and crevice, and even shone through the shutters dimly.

Akane came into Nabiki's room while trying to blink away the afterimages. "What the hell was that?" she asked.

"No idea," her sister answered, "Just be glad it's not destroying the dojo."

The light abruptly stopped, leaving the Tendos blinking in darkness. The show was over. They groped their way back to bed and tried to get to sleep.

The next morning they were discussing the odd light show while eating breakfast. "You know, I once saw a movie in which people walked across a bridge made of light," Akane said. "Last night I was tempted to try it..." She trailed off as a feeling of calm overcame her.

Ranma entered the room, fazing through the door without opening it. The Tendos became aware of an aura of benign serenity and tranquility. He glided silently to the table - about a centimeter above the floor - and sat down. "Hungry," he announced.

"I'm sorry, Ranma," said Kasumi, "I wasn't expecting you, so I haven't prepared your breakfast."

Ranma gave her a smile that the Buddha would have envied. "No problem,  
Kasumi." He gestured, and bowls filled with generous portions of rice,  
miso soup, and fish appeared on the table before him. A large apple appeared in his outstretched hand and he began to eat it.

Nabiki recovered from her shock. "That's an interesting apple,  
Ranma-kun. It looks more like a giant cherry than an apple. Where did you get it?"

"These grow in the Garden of Eden," Ranma replied. The tone of his voice showed that he thought it was of no importance.

Nabiki was the only one to grasp the significance of the "Garden of Eden"  
She had a vision of large-denomination currency sprouting wings and flying out of her purse. "So, you've mastered the ultimate technique,  
and ahead of schedule too..."

Ranma gave her that matchless smile again. "Not really. I've found that I don't want it."


	2. 2 Nabiki

The Ultimate Technique - Chapter 2 - Nabiki

By Mike Breslau

Disclaimer: Better folks than I own most of the characters that appear in this scribbling.

AN: this was supposed to be a one-shot, but many reviewers wanted to know what happened next. So here it is.

* * *

It was not a typical day in the Tendo household. Oh the sky was still blue, the grass was still green, but Akane was not angry. In fact, nobody could be angry when Ranma was around because of the calming influence he projected.

Of all the residents in the Tendo home Kasumi was the least affected. Not because she was oblivious (as most people assume) but because she was already serene by nature.

Ranma had gone upstairs to take a nap, missing yet another day of school. Staying awake for three days will do that to you. He awoke refreshed after a few hours and used the opportunity to think about his situation.

When the girls came home after school Ranma was nowhere to be found. Akane and Nabiki both searched the house looking for him. "He's in the back yard," Nabiki announced.

Akane joined her sister at the back door. "How can you tell? I don't see him..."

"It's simple. Here is where I feel the most serene." Raising her voice Nabiki called out, "Hey Ranma-kun!"

Ranma faded into view, performing a kata upside down and suspended a meter above the ground. He righted himself in midair and turned to face the girls.

"What are you doing?" asked Akane, her voice sounding almost accusatory.

"I have to reinvent my Art," answered Ranma. "The Saotome school is filled with midair techniques, but in the past it's always been limited by gravity. Now that I'm free from gravity it opens so many opportunities. I need to extend my skills for true three-dimensional moves without regard for up or down."

That sounded reasonable to Akane, who felt a pang of jealousy. "Okay, but why practice invisibly?"

Ranma repeated one of his father's maxims: "Never let an enemy know how good you really are." He drifted to the ground and approached the girls. "Nabiki, we have to talk."

"Yes, we do," Nabiki replied as they went into the living room. "I hope you'll answer some questions for me."

Ranma was unsurprised, as if he expected it. "What questions?"

"What are you; what have you become? What can you do now? What do you feel, or what do you want? You've changed so much I can hardly recognize you..."

He laughed. "That's a lot of whats. I'll try my best, but much of it is hard to explain - I don' think there are words for it. What am I? I'm sorta human, I guess; I don' think I'm a kami or nothin' like that. The best thing I gained from the scroll you invented is freedom: freedom from fear, freedom from want, heck, even freedom from gravity."

Nabiki was surprised. "You know I invented that scroll?"

"Yeah. I didn't know it when I started, but when I finished it was obvious."

"You still haven't told us what you can do now," Akane reminded him.

Ranma answered, "Following the instructions on the scroll, I cleared my mind, ignored all distractions, and opened my senses. When I became calm and centered enough I became aware of a new sense that I'd always had but never used before. You know how you can tell how much your elbow is bent, even with your eyes closed?"

Nabiki helpfully supplied, "Proprioception."

Ranma continued, "Yeah, that's it. Now I can feel everything for kilometers around me as though it was part of my body. At first, it was hard to understand what I was 'seeing' - it looked sorta fuzzy - until I realized that I could see about a week into the past and a few minutes into the future. As I practice, I get better at 'focusing' and I can 'see' further. Also, my other senses are sharper, my emotions are clearer, an' I can think better than ever."

"Enlightenment?" Akane wondered.

Nabiki had an insight. "Centuries ago a man named Siddhartha sat under a distant pipal tree, cleared his mind of all distractions, and meditated. He eventually became enlightened and now is known as Gautama Buddha."

"Buddhism," Akane realized where this was leading.

"But Siddhartha didn't fly or become invisible," Nabiki objected.

"Siddhartha wasn't a ki-adept, a god-slayer, or a Jusenkyo victim, and he didn't have the nekoken training. If I've gone beyond him, it's because of my unique background."

Akane responded, "So if I tried to learn the ultimate technique I wouldn't come out the same as you..."

"You'd be much better than you are now, but where you get to depends on where you start from."

* * *

The four-day leave-Ranma-alone period had expired, so the "adults" had returned to the Tendo-ke. It was morning and Ranma pretended to sleep, floating comfortably two centimeters above his futon. Genma snuck into his room preparing for his oh-so-predictable "surprise" pounce-and-spar session with his son. (You could set a clock by him.) Genma leapt, only to go sailing out the open window and into the koi pond.

The panda sat up in the pool looking quite confused. "Growf." [I never missed the boy before...] He climbed out of the water and dried himself off - mustn't upset Kasumi - and reentered the Tendo-ke. This time he tiptoed into the room with a bucket of cold water. As he attempted to splash Ranma he found himself grabbed by a hundred unseen hands and unceremoniously tossed out the window and into the koi pond.

"Growf!" [What the hell?] Again he dried himself and returned to the scene of the attempted martial arts lesson. As he stealthily opened the door he didn't see his sleeping son - instead he came face-to-face with a wide-awake splendid specimen of a lion, complete with sharp and conspicuous fangs and claws. Genma blanched, signed [nice kitty,] and backed out of the room. The lion smiled.

The panda changed back into a pudgy human and went to wake his old buddy. "Soun, Soun, wake up! Something terrible has happened - a lion has eaten my son!"

Soun sat up and burst into tears (you were expecting anything else?). "Waah, now the schools will never be joined." Genma ran to fetch some towels.

At breakfast Genma tried to sneak some food from Ranma's plate. To his surprise, he found his chopsticks removing morsels from his own plate and putting them on Ranma's plate. "?" he exclaimed.

Ranma answered with a smirk. "The rules have changed, Pops. You don't always get your way any more."

Genma sulked, and remained silent for the rest of breakfast.

As they were leaving for school, Ranma turned to Akane and asked, "Want a ride?"

Akane was puzzled by the offer, but she could sense that this was something he was eager to do. "Okay..."

Ranma crouched down on all fours. "Climb on my back. I promise you won't get hurt or scared."

"A horsey ride? Aren't we too old for that?" She straddled his back, curious to see what he would do next.

"Not exactly," answered Ranma with a grin, and he morphed into a snow leopard. They lept over the fence and took off down the street at high speed. The leopard's smooth gait gave a comfortable ride; invisible forces kept the rider securely on her mount's back without a saddle.

Akane found this to be quite exhilarating. "Wheee! Gidyap!"

When the arrived at the school the leopard bounded over the fence and stopped, crouching down so Akane could dismount. The other students looked on in amazement - even by Furinken's standards, this was unusual.

Kuno was standing there in a state of shock, nearly inarticulate for once. "My fierce tigress..."

The big cat padded up to Kuno and roared. "I'm a leopard, not a tiger!"

Kuno fainted. The predator followed Akane into the school and morphed back into Ranma.

* * *

(flashback)

Nabiki probed further. "Okay, your senses are sharper and your thinking is clearer. That doesn't explain levitation or walking through walls."

"I understand how the world works, and I understand how to control it. You promised as much when you invented the ultimate technique. Heck, I even understand how my curse works, and I'm trying to figure out how to control it. I've already mastered the nekoken - I'm not afraid of cats anymore..."

"Knowledge is power," murmured Nabiki. It was her favorite mantra.

"There's a downside," offered Ranma.

Akane asked, "What could that be?"

"Now I realize how much I don't know - and that's a lot. I don' know lots of things that everyone else knows. I don' know how to be polite, I don't know how to make small talk, heck - I don't even know how to talk good. Baka panda didn' let me learn anything except martial arts. I thought insults were a sign of affection. What a waste."

"Oh," said Akane. She had much to think about. Did Ranma insult anyone else?

Nabiki said, "You should be able to learn good manners by finding a few cultured individuals and watching them for a while. Just don't let them know that you're studying them - that's bad manners."

"Where am I going to find normal, polite people (except Kasumi)? This is Nerima..."

"And you missed all that school, too," observed Nabiki.

"Yeah. There are hundreds, maybe thousands, of kanji that I haven't learned. And without the kanji my textbooks are written in secret code. How am I going to memorize all those characters without repeating years of schooling?"

Nabiki had an inspiration. "Ranma, don't memorize the kanji. Each one is drawn with a deft, graceful pattern of brush strokes - a kata in two dimensions. Learn the brush strokes as a kata and you'll have no problems mastering all of them quickly."

Akane interjected, "Martial arts calligraphy - a piece of cake for Ranma."

* * *

After school Ranma returned to the Tendo-ke later than usual. He had consulted with several of his teachers about how to catch up on his academic studies. Some of them thought that was the most amazing thing Ranma had ever done.

Soun and Genma were playing (and cheating at) their usual game of shogi. Ranma gathered together the Tendo sisters and interrupted their parent's game. "Listen up - I have some announcements to make. From now on I will only do things that I consider reasonable and proper; nobody can force me to act against my will. That means all the engagements are off - if I get married it will be by my own choice."

Soun roared, "Boy, you WILL marry a Tendo! The houses must be joined." He launched his dreaded bunny-head attack.

Kasumi covered her mouth and (mostly) suppressed a titter.

Nabiki smirked.

Akane lost her self control and laughed out loud. "Look in the mirror, Daddy."

Soun walked over to a mirror and was shocked by what he saw. His terrible demon-head attack had been replaced by a bright yellow, cross-eyed, floppy-eared, buck-toothed, fuzzy bunny-head with a comical expression on its face. He burst into tears...

Genma yelled, "Insolent boy, you must marry one of Soun's daughters. It's a matter of family honor!"

"What do _you_ know about honor, old man? You have less than none yourself. You only use it when it suits you in order to get your own way on something. Well, you can't bludgeon me with honor any more."

Genma tried to grab his unruly son. Ranma didn't move. Genma's hands passed harmlessly through Ranma's body without meeting any resistance.

Ranma reached out and pinched his father's nose. "You can't touch me, Pops, but I can touch you."

Genma tried pleading. "We agreed to join the schools even before you were born."

Ranma asked, "So it's imperative that the schools be joined?"

"Yes!" chorused Soun and Genma.

"And it's important that a Saotome marry a Tendo?"

"Yes!" they chorused again.

Ranma smiled maliciously. "That's easily arranged, then."

Genma felt a familiar tingle - his Jusenkyo curse was being activated without water. Instead of a panda, his new form was a red-headed, rather attractive, Rubenesque woman. The Tendos looked shocked.

Ranma smirked - controlling the Jusenkyo curse had its advantages. "That was easy. Genma can marry Soun and the schools will be joined. You can give birth to your own heir, Pops, without imposing your will on anyone else. And once you've given birth you'll never regard women as weak again."

The Tendo sisters looked upset. The fathers looked aghast. "That's not what we meant," said Soun.

"What's the matter, isn't she attractive enough for you? I think she's rather cute..."

"Can't you turn me back the way I was?" pleaded Genma

Ranma tapped his foot impatiently. "Yes, I can, but you have to choose. Is it more important for the houses to be joined or for you to keep your manhood? You can't have it both ways."

Soun slumped in defeat. "We can't persuade you, can we? This is not how I wanted the schools to be united."

Genma conceded. "If you'll turn me back, the pledge to unite our schools will be null and void."

"I'm calling the shots here. Cancel the pledge first and then I'll turn him back."

"You win," said Soun, "The pledge to unite our families is now voided."

"Yes," agreed Genma, "We will not force anyone to marry." Genma felt that familiar tingle and reverted to his male form - with two minor differences.

Ranma smiled again, warmly this time. "I fixed your eyesight, Pops, so you won't need glasses now. And you're not bald anymore. Aren't you glad I'm feeling generous?" Ranma secretly hoped that boosting Genma's "manliness" would make him less likely to try to live vicariously through his son, thus giving Ranma more freedom.

There was much nodding of heads.

* * *

Later that day as Nabiki was studying in her room Ranma knocked on her door. "Nabs, can I talk to you privately for a bit?"

"Sure, come in."

Ranma entered quietly without bothering to open the door. "Nabiki, my sense of honor suggests that I pay for my keep and my father's too. We can be 'guests' for a week or two, but by now we're residents, and your family shouldn't have ta support us."

"You continue to surprise me, Ranma. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I could just conjure money, but that's illegal, so I won't. Do you remember those bowls I made at breakfast yesterday? They're sapphire, not glass."

Nabiki's eyes widened. "You're hinting that you can make jewelry out of thin air?"

Ranma nodded. He gestured and a golden bracelet in the shape of an intricately carved dragon appeared on her desk. There were two tiny rubies for the dragon's eyes.

Nabiki picked up the bracelet and examined it closely. "It's solid gold isn't it? It's beautiful, Ranma, but I may like it too much to be able to sell it..."

Ranma beamed in response to her praise. "Now that I'm out from under Genma's control I can express the artistic side of my nature." He closed his eyes in concentration and produced a three-inch long pin in the form of a solid platinum flute - with moving parts. There followed a slightly larger pin in the shape of a trombone, and a golden tortoise who's carapace was inlaid with abalone shell segments.

"That's enough for now, Ranma. If you make any more I won't be able to hide them all from your father."

"You won't have any trouble selling these?"

Nabiki drooled and gave a cat-ate-the-canary grin. "No problem, no problem."

Ranma left, satisfied that honor had been restored.

* * *

To be continued...

Author's speculation:  
Genma = gen ma = dark horse = night mare = nightmare?  
Ranma's father is a nightmare? I've seen hints that support this theory. Anyone know for sure?

Mike


	3. 3 Akane

The Ultimate Technique - Chapter 3 - Akane

By Mike Breslau

Disclaimer: Better folks than I own most of the characters that appear in this scribbling.

* * *

"Ranma, this is all your fault," exclaimed Akane without the passion  
that such a remark usually warranted. School was over for the day and  
they were walking back to the Tendo home.

"What da ya mean? What is it this time?" responded Ranma calmly.

Akane groped for words. "I feel so calm whenever you're around - and I'm  
not used to feeling calm. For ten years all I felt was angry! Now I'm  
lost - I don't know what to do - I can't adjust to feeling peaceful."

"I have the same problem, 'Kane, only worse. I'm not used to being  
tranquil either. My life has always been danger and hardship, action  
before thought, and striving to get better. Now I don't fear anything,  
and I think before acting. I even stay awake in school! Sometimes I miss  
the old me..."

"So you're lost too. You seemed so sure of yourself..." Akane paused in  
thought. "Can you just damp down your serenity effect? We would both  
feel more normal then."

"I guess I can try." Ranma's tranquilizing influence faded, but did not  
completely disappear. They resumed walking to the Tendo home.

After a few minutes, Akane tentatively asked, "Would you be willing to  
train me in martial arts? I'll never be as good as you - I recognize  
that now - but I'd like to improve my skills."

Ranma scratched behind his head. "I don' have a license to teach yet,  
but we could spar, and I could give you pointers. The next time Happosai  
shows up I'll try ta get a license from him." Akane beamed at him and  
they continued walking.

Ranma suddenly stopped. "Ryoga is gonna attack me in two minutes. I want  
you to stay out of it, but study the fight carefully and see what you  
can learn."

Akane wanted to ask how he could be sure, but she remembered that Ranma  
could see a few minutes into the future. That would be a tremendous  
advantage for a martial artist.

Ryoga appeared right on schedule, yelling the predictable, "Ranma,  
prepare to die!" The fight was on, fast and furious.

Akane was taking notes. Ranma didn't do anything (this time) to provoke  
Ryoga. I wonder why I never noticed that before. Ryoga attacked Ranma  
first. Ryoga was going all-out, with intent to kill or at least maim.  
Ranma was dodging almost everything, blocking only when Ryoga's attack  
might endanger passersby or property. He wasn't using any of his new  
techniques, except possibly precognition. Ranma was enjoying himself -  
playing a game he was the master of. Ryoga was simply feeling angry.  
It's amazing how graceful and fluid Ranma's motions are. Akane had much  
to think about.

Ryoga was getting frustrated. His aura turned green as he gathered his  
ki into his hands. "Shi shi..." Ryoga's signature attack fizzled out as  
a profound feeling of calm overcame him. He stopped in confusion.

Ranma clapped Ryoga on the shoulder. "That was a good workout, old  
friend, but you need to work on self-control a bit more. You can hurt  
innocent bystanders with your wild shots."

Ryoga, wondering why his anger had gone away, merely nodded. He was lost  
in thought - an unfamiliar territory.

Ranma turned to Akane. "Go on home please. I want to talk to Ryoga  
alone."

Akane left the scene, feeling slightly resentful, curious, and  
thoughtful.

Ranma spoke quietly. "Ryoga, I recently learned a new technique that  
lets me understand a lot of things much better now. I have control over  
my Jusenkyo curse and the nekoken, and I think I can help you."

"Prove it," said Ryoga, somewhat belligerently.

Ranma shrugged and changed into Ranko, a tiger, a duplicate of Ryoga,  
and back into himself.

Ryoga took a minute to collect his lower jaw and then his wits. "How?"

"When I'm exposed to magic I can sense how it works, and that lets me  
figure out how to control it. I know I can cure your curse, and I might  
be able to help with your sense of direction - but there's a price..."

"You know I haven't much money, Ranma."

"Nothin' so easy as money, pal. I want you to come clean to Akane - tell  
her about P-chan and apologize for taking advantage of her. I want this  
blot on your honor and mine removed. Then I'll remove your curse."

Ryoga paled. "She'll kill me...and then she'll hate me forever."

"Not if I'm around. I can shut off her fury and your fear."

"Yeah, I noticed that. Another new technique?"

"Yup. Nobody can fight me in anger unless I want them to. "

"So you were just using me for sparring practice?"

Ranma sighed. "I killed Saffron, and I beat Herb. Happosai and Cologne  
can't touch me. How am I going to keep up my martial arts skills without  
somebody to challenge me?"

Ryoga was feeling inadequate. He sighed. "No time like the present, I  
suppose. Will you lead me there?"

Ranma nodded and led Ryoga by the hand. They found Akane working out in  
the dojo. Ranma stayed outside to give the two of them the illusion of  
privacy and he intensified his aura of serenity.

Inside the dojo Ryoga waited until Akane had finished her kata.  
Gathering his courage, he said, "Akane, there's something I should have  
told you a long time ago. You see, I too have a Jusenkyo curse."

Akane's eyes opened in surprise and shock. "What do you turn into?"

"A little black pig," Ryoga answered sadly. "A pig with a yellow and  
black bandana."

It took a moment to sink in. "P-chan? You are my pet P-chan?"

Ryoga nodded. "I should have told you earlier, but I was afraid you'd  
hate me."

Akane was surprised at how little anger she was feeling. "You saw me  
naked. You listened to all my secrets. You used me, Ryoga."

"I never peeped at you or saw you naked, but what I did wasn't  
honorable."

"Why?" asked Akane, feeling somewhat stunned.

"Because I was and I am in love with you, and I hated Ranma. I'm sorry  
that I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Oh." He's in love with me? Why don't I hate him? "Ryoga, why didn't  
Ranma tell me? He must have known..."

"I made him promise not to tell anyone - martial artist's honor. Then I  
used his promise against him. I shouldn't have done that." Ryoga hung  
his head.

Akane's mind was aswirl with emotions, overlaid with Ranma's calming  
influence. Quietly, she said, "Go away, Ryoga, at least for a few days.  
I need time to sort things out. I hope that someday we can be friends  
again."

Ryoga left the dojo with his heart mildly shattered. The depression he  
felt was greatly reduced by Ranma's serenity effect - and he sort of  
missed it, like an old friend who had gone away.

Ranma was waiting for him, holding two glasses of water, one frosted and  
one steaming. "Would you like to do the honors?"

"Is it done already? I didn't feel anything."

Ranma threw the cold water at his friend. Ryoga got wet, but didn't  
change. He examined his hands - he was still human. Ranma then tossed  
the hot water . Ryoga felt warm, and still didn't change. He began to  
dance around in jubilation.

Ranma let his friend enjoy himself for a minute, then he produced a  
towel and dried them both off. He led Ryoga into the Tendo-ke to speak  
with the middle daughter. "Nabiki, I want you to get a portable GPS  
device for Ryoga. Put it on my tab."

Ryoga scratched his head. "What's a GPS?"

"It's an electronic sense of direction, very useful for folks like you,"  
answered Nabiki. "I'm ashamed that I didn't think of it myself."

Ryoga looked elated. "All my problems are fixed in only a few minutes.  
It's a miracle! I'll be able to find my home, I can go to school..." His  
jubilation was short lived. "I'll have to make up for all the schooling  
I've missed..." he concluded sadly.

"You win some, you lose some," observed Nabiki.

The next morning Kuno was waiting in the middle of the schoolyard, boken  
brandished majestically as usual, so Ranma could humiliate him as usual.

"Hold, foul sorcerer! Today you shall receive your just deserts."

Ranma asked Akane, "Did he just call me a fowl sorcerer?"

She replied, "No, I think he offered to feed you after-dinner sweets."

Ranma gestured. Instead of holding a boken, Kuno's right hand now  
grasped the neck of a rubber chicken.

Kuno threw down the rubber fowl. "What vile obscenity is this?" He  
reached into his hakama to withdraw a spare boken, and emerged  
brandishing a yellow rubber ducky bath-toy.

"I guess I'm a fowl sorcerer after all," remarked Ranma calmly. "It's  
nice to have mastered the Jusenkyo curses." They proceeded into school  
without further incident.

Kuno didn't go anywhere for a while - each of his feet weighed more than  
two tons. This didn't stop him from ranting until after the late bell  
rang.

In the middle of the second period Tatewaki burst into Ranma's  
classroom, yelling incoherently. The nearest window opened itself.  
Tatewaki ran across the room and jumped out the window, ranting all the  
while. The window closed itself.

Ranma apologized to the teacher. "Sorry for the interruption, Sensei.  
Some people just can't take a hint."

In the middle of the fourth period a bandaged Tatewaki burst into  
Ranma's classroom, yelling imprecations. Again, the nearest window  
opened itself. Tatewaki ran across the room and jumped out the window,  
yelling all the while. The window closed itself.

Ranma apologized to the teacher. "Sorry for the interruption again,  
Sensei. Kuno just won't learn." The rest of the school day passed  
quietly.

After school a heavily bandaged Kuno was waiting for Ranma again,  
brandishing a white lily (that used to be a boken). "Argh - your evil  
magic will not defeat the mighty Blue Thunder! I fight on!" He threw  
down the flower, reached for yet another spare weapon, and emerged with  
a bag of marbles. In frustration Kuno threw the marbles at Ranma, who  
allowed them to pass harmlessly through himself.

"Oh look," observed Akane, "Kuno's lost his marbles!"

Kuno lost consciousness shortly thereafter.

That evening Happosai returned to the Tendo-ke bearing a large sack of  
"silky darlings" and cackling in glee.

Ranma was waiting for him with his arms crossed across his chest. Genma  
and the Tendos had gathered to serve as an audience. "Happosai, I  
challenge you."

The ancient pervert stopped short. Ranma seemed unusually sure of  
himself, something was up that boded no good. He tossed his sack into a  
corner. "What are your terms?"

Ranma answered solemnly, "If you win I will do anything you ask for a  
full year, and I will not challenge you again for two years. If I win  
you will designate me grandmaster of the school of anything goes, you  
will have the title of master or grandmaster emeritus, and for the next  
year you will not visit the Tendos or the Saotomes without an explicit  
invitation."

Happosai was astonished at the temerity of this young man. Those were  
big stakes indeed. He smelled a trap, but he could not decline without  
losing face. "Okay, you're on." He assumed a loose stance.

Ranma wore a Nabiki-like smile - the kind that would make a shark  
envious. He produced a blindfold and held it out. "First you can tie  
this on me, to improve your chances somewhat."

Happosai was getting nervous. Ranma was certainly cocksure. He examined  
the blindfold carefully and tied it around Ranma's head.

Ranma stood and turned around so he was facing away from Happosai.  
"Begin!"

Happosai was not really surprised when Ranma gracefully dodged his first  
few punches and kicks even though he couldn't see them coming. He took  
his ki-charged pipe and swung in a way that would be hard to duck. The  
pipe went through Ranma's body without meeting any resistance. Happosai  
found himself clutching a handful of wet udon noodles where his pipe  
used to be. Now he was getting nervous - he might lose. In desperation,  
he tried to throw a pair of fireball bombs - but they wouldn't leave his  
hands for some reason. Two explosions later Happosai was charred and  
stunned.

Ranma turned around to face his opponent. He gestured. Something grabbed  
Happosai's left ankle and hauled it ten feet in the air, leaving the  
ancient master dangling upside down and helpless.

Happosai extended his senses to try to see what Ranma was using. He felt  
neither ki nor magic. Worse, a slowly increasing pressure was forcing  
the air out of his lungs. Happosai had to choose between defeat and  
death with dishonor. "I yield, you win," he croaked. He was gently  
lowered to the ground and raised to an upright position.

Soun and Genma began a victory dance, but were quickly stopped by a  
glare from Ranma, who had removed his blindfold. "Leave the former  
grandmaster with a little dignity," he commanded.

Ranma and Happosai entered the dining room. Nabiki was waiting for them  
with documents that would formalize the transfer of grandmastership and  
give Ranma his license to teach. Happosai grumbled, but he signed.

"Ranma, you used techniques that aren't from any school I know of. Where  
did you learn them?" asked Happosai.

"From Nabiki, the mistress of all information. She taught me an ultimate  
technique."

"Nabiki taught you?" Astonishment was evident in Happosai's voice.

Ranma nodded. Nabiki smirked.

The very next evening Akane happily emerged from the kitchen bearing a  
tray full of misshapen hockey pucks. "Ranma, I made some cookies for you  
to thank you for teaching me for real."

Even the Buddha could not remain calm in the presence of Akane's  
cooking. Ranma bigsweatted and looked over her offering with a jaundiced  
eye. At least they were sort of round. "What kind of cookies are these?"

"They're gingerbread cookies, and they're good," Akane assured him.

Ranma merely raised an eyebrow Spocklike.

"Well, the ginger kept rolling off the bread, so I had to use some  
mustard to make it stay on. Go on, try one..."

Gently, Ranma asked, "Have you tasted one of these?"

"No, I wanted you to be the first to have one."

Ranma considered. He could simply transmute each cookie into one of  
Kasumi's as he was eating it, but that wouldn't teach Akane anything.  
"Akane, from now on I will gladly eat anything you make for me - AFTER I  
see you taste it yourself."

"Why?" Akane felt a little hurt.

Ranma answered a question with a question. "Have you ever taken home ec  
in school?"

Akane lowered her eyes. "Well, I did once but I was expelled after a  
week."

"And why was that?" Ranma was still being gentle.

"The first time my teacher tasted my cooking she turned blue and smoke  
came out of her ears until her stomach was pumped out. The next time she  
tasted some her eyes turned orange, and she began to breathe flame like  
a dragon. She scorched my class notes! Fortunately, we had some lemonade  
handy and that extinguished her fire. The last time she ate some she  
gave birth to a baby girl right there in the class, and she claimed she  
hadn't been pregnant. A likely story! After that they wouldn't let me in  
the room anymore, even as an observer."

"What did you learn from that experience?"

"My teacher liked to tease me! It wasn't my fault..." A touch of  
uncertainty crept into Akane's voice.

"Akane, have you ever tasted your own cooking?"

"No, why should I?"

"Have you tasted Kasumi's cooking? Did you like it?"

"Yes, of course. It's very good."

"Would you like to cook as well as Kasumi can?" Ranma was still leading  
her on.

A touch of anger in her voice, Akane answered, "You mean I can't?"

Ranma held out a "cookie." "Taste this and then tell me how well you can  
cook." It was an order.

A moment later Akane was running to the kitchen for a glass of water.  
She returned looking crestfallen. "I'm sorry, Ranma. That wasn't good at  
all."

Ranma led her back into the kitchen, which looked as if a war had been  
fought there recently. "Akane, you can cook as well as your sister if  
you approach it properly. Start at the beginning with simple recipes and  
work your way up slowly. Don't rush, and consider every step carefully.  
Follow a printed recipe closely - don't improvise. Use the correct  
ingredients and avoid substitutions. Ask questions if there's anything  
you don't understand. Okay?"

"Funny, that's what Kasumi always tells me."

Ranma placed his hand reassuringly on her shoulder and pointed to the  
oven. "You know, it has temperature settings other than 'blast furnace.'  
You can't save time by raising the heat."

"Oh," Akane said. It was a novel concept.

"Just one more final tip," said Ranma, "What is Kasumi's mood while  
she's cooking?"

"Her mood? She's calm, happy, and at peace. Kasumi finds her 'happy  
place' in the kitchen."

"And what is your mood while cooking?"

Akane looked around at the devastation in the kitchen. It didn't look  
like a 'happy place.' "Oh," she said.

* * *

To be continued...

Just what can Ranma do that he couldn't do before? Essentially, he can do  
anything that Tenchi's Ryoko can do, more or less. He has better senses than  
she does (he can see the future and the past), and he's beginning to  
learn magic. He can't split himself in two.

So can he teleport? Not really, but he can dematerialize, fly very fast, and  
rematerialize. Achieves much the same effect.

Is Ranma immortal? Possibly, but he doesn't realize it yet. If he gets sick,  
old, or injured he can use the Jusenkyo effect to restore his healthy, youthful  
body.

Poll: If Genma's cursed form wasn't a panda, would it be more fitting if it were:  
(a) A sloth  
(b) A jackass  
(c) A three-toed sloth with the head of a jackass  
(d) A three-toed jackass with the head of a sloth  
(e) Your whimsical choice.

Mike


	4. 4 Kasumi

The Ultimate Technique - Chapter 4 - Kasumi

By Mike Breslau

Disclaimer: Better folks than I  
own most of the characters that appear in this scribbling.

===

The next morning Kasumi awoke feeling unusually relaxed. As she  
stretched she became aware of a tantalizing aroma - someone was making  
breakfast? Oh my! She quickly dressed, without hurrying, and went  
downstairs to investigate. She found Ranma in *her* kitchen efficiently  
preparing the morning meal, and looking very graceful as he did it.  
After a moment she realized that he was following her choreography -  
using the same moves she had developed for maximum efficiency. Somehow,  
"Oh My!" just didn't cut it.

Ranma smiled at her and kept working without a pause. "I thought I'd let  
you sleep in for a change, as a sort of thank you. You take such good  
care of us all, and nobody expresses their appreciation..."

Kasumi flushed. "That's very considerate of you, Ranma, but you needn't  
have bothered. This is my job, after all."

"I'm trying to learn a bit of your Art, Kasumi. This is just like a new  
kata to me - martial arts breakfast making."

"I'm not a martial artist," objected Kasumi.

Ranma paused and grinned. "My pop says everything is martial arts - and  
for once, he's right. The Art is not really about fighting, it's about  
being aware, focused, in control, and in the moment. A kitchen kata  
could fit in 'anything goes.' You'll never be a fighter, but you're  
already an artist." He resumed cooking.

"Oh my," mumbled Kasumi reflexively.

"Go take a bath," suggested Ranma, "I've already filled the tub for  
you."

Kasumi was not used to anyone being nice to her. The break in her  
morning routine was disconcerting, but nice. "I never knew Ranma could  
be such a gentleman," she thought, "maybe I was hasty in rejecting  
him..." She thanked Ranma and left for the bathroom.

A little later as the Tendos gathered for breakfast they found Kasumi  
seated at the table and Ranma serving food from the kitchen.

"This is quite good," remarked Nabiki, "Did you make it yourself,  
Ranma?"

Ranma looked pleased and answered in the affirmative.

"That's women's work," Soun grumped.

Ranma looked at him coldly. "I could try sending you back to medieval  
times if you insist on living in the past." He was bluffing - Ranma  
didn't think he could manage time travel, at least not yet.

Soun paled. "That's quite all right son." Soun couldn't be sure what  
Ranma was capable of.

"Thanks, Ranma, he needed that," said Nabiki. She had no intention of  
living by Soun's idea of "women's work."

Akane sulked. Ranma had done something else way better than she could,  
and it was making her feel inferior again.

===

Later that morning Kuno was waiting in the middle of the  
schoolyard, boken brandished majestically as usual, so Ranma could  
humiliate him again. However, today was not to be business as usual.

When Ranma appeared Kuno proclaimed, "Vile varlet, your villainy shall  
be vanquished at last. Verily, I shall be victorious today." Kuno  
charged, having run out of v-words, only to falter as a profound sense  
of serenity came over him.

Ranma held up his hand in a 'stop' gesture. "Mighty and majestic  
Tatewaki, today I shall submit to your glory. Yea, today your fondest  
wish shall come true."

Kuno was taken aback at this turnabout behavior. "What sayest thou?"

Ranma approached the True Blunder. "Name the damsels nearest to thine  
heart, and you shall have them forever."

Akane panicked. "No, Ranma, you mustn't!"

Ranma waved her off.

Tatewaki was ecstatic at this turn of events. "Ah, the fierce Akane  
Tendo and the fiery Osage No Onna, I must have them both!"

Ranma replied, "Very well, you shall have them both." A bucket of water  
appeared over Kuno's head and spilled, dousing the swordsman. The bucket  
disappeared.

"Oh my," said Kasumi's sister.

Kuno was now a near-duplicate of Akane except she had Ranko's hair color  
and hairstyle. Her soggy clothing was too large in places and too tight  
in other places. After a moment of disorientation Tatewaki looked down  
at her body, clutched her breasts, screamed girlishly, and fainted.

"Welcome to the Jusenkyo club," Ranma told the unconscious Kuno. "Never  
fear, hot water restores you to normal."

"That's amazing," Akane observed, "Kuno has never been 'normal' in his  
life."

"Hey, I'm only a novice magician," protested Ranma, "I don't know any  
'get a clue' or 'boost IQ' spells yet."

Ranma and Akane laughed and proceeded into the school.

===

After school it was relatively quiet in the Tendo home. Soun and Genma  
were visiting a bar, plotting yet again to get their rebellious  
offspring hitched. Akane was in a meeting of the drama club; Nabiki was  
meeting with her factors.

Ranma approached Kasumi, who was reading a magazine on the couch.  
"Kas-chan, I made some observations this morning while preparing  
breakfast. I'd like your help to conduct a simple experiment, if you  
don't mind."

"Of course, Ranma, What would you like me to do?" Kasumi felt she owed  
him a favor.

"Close your eyes and keep them closed, then follow me into the kitchen."

Kasumi was puzzled, but she complied with this odd request. Ranma  
observed that she walked confidently and surely, without bumping into  
him or anything else. Good!

"Kasumi, when you pay attention to something, you become sensitized to  
it and more aware of it than normal. If you continue to pay attention,  
then you become 'linked' to it, as if it were a part of you."

Kasumi couldn't see where this was leading, and she said so.

Ranma continued, "This kitchen is a part of you - it's imbued with your  
ki. You should be able to sense every part of it, even with your eyes  
closed."

Kasumi thought that was obvious, at least to her.

"I have moved two things in here out of their normal positions. Can you  
identify what's out of place?"

Kasumi kept her eyes closed and felt the "wa" of the kitchen. "The large  
frying pan is on the counter...and the lower left cabinet door is open."  
That was easy!

Ranma smiled, not that she could see it. "Very good. Now comes the  
interesting part. The kitchen is so much a part of you that you should  
be able to control it with your will. I want you to close the open  
cabinet door without touching it."

Kasumi was startled. "Can I do that?"

"I believe you can. Stop worrying about it and just do it."

Yoda once said, "There is no try - either do or do not." Kasumi tried  
visualizing the cabinet door swinging shut. Nothing happened. She tried  
'asking' the door to close itself. Again, nothing. "I don't think I can  
do this..."

Ranma was undeterred. "I think you can. Your trouble is trying too hard.  
You don't wonder how to move your fingers, you just do it. Don't wonder  
about how to close the door - forget your doubts, clear your mind, and  
just do it."

A minute later the cabinet door closed itself with an audible thunk.

"Yatta!" exclaimed Ranma.

"Oh my! Did you do that or did I?"

Ranma quoted "My Fair Lady" - "By George, I think she's got it!" He  
continued, "You did that yourself, Kasumi. I was sure you could. You can  
open your eyes now."

Kasumi felt giddy. She looked around the room as if seeing it for the  
first time. "Oh my!"

"Now hang up the frying pan on its hook," Ranma ordered. "Without using  
your hands" was understood.

"Isn't that too heavy to go flying around by itself?" Kasumi wondered.

"It is if you think it is..."

Kasumi looked at the frying pan, then at the hook it belonged on. She  
extended her senses and "felt" for the pan and the hook. After a moment  
the frying pad wobbled a bit, tipped upwards, and fell on the floor with  
a loud clank.

"Oh my," said Kasumi yet again. Ranma merely looked at her expectantly.  
The frying pan twitched, wobbled, and then rose smoothly into the air  
and hung itself upon the hook. Kasumi felt ecstatic.

"I was right - of all the Tendos you are the most likely to master the  
ultimate technique quickly," explained Ranma. "Your sisters think you  
are oblivious, but you are actually seeing much deeper than they can."

"But I'm not a martial artist," Kasumi objected.

"You'll never be a fighter, Kas-chan, but you have perfected your own  
Art - Martial Arts Housekeeping. The ultimate technique is not limited  
to martial arts, it opens up possibilities and allows you to become  
better at whatever you are destined to become."

"Oh. So each person would respond differently if they learned it..."

Ranma responded, "I expect you would develop your healing potential as  
well as your domestic skills. Nabiki would become more observant and  
better at manipulating people..." His voice trailed off.

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea. What about Akane?"

Ranma's voice carried a touch of sorrow. "She'll never be able to learn  
the technique until she gets her temper under control."

"That would be very difficult, I'm afraid," Kasumi concluded.

"Now the bad news. Just as you have become the mistress of the Tendo-ke,  
the house now owns you too. The two of you are inseparable. If you are  
away from home you feel weakened, as if a part of you is missing."

"That's true," Kasumi realized, "Is that bad?"

"What happens when you want to get married, or have a career, or leave  
home for any reason?"

"Oh my! So I'm a prisoner of my own home?"

Ranma nodded.

Let it be noted that by evening the Tendo home was cleaner and neater  
than it had ever been before.

===

The Kuno house is a large, dark, and foreboding mansion, surrounded by a  
high stone fence and numerous novel "security measures." Evening was  
approaching as a damp and disheveled figure approached the ornate  
wrought-iron gate. "Let me in, Sasuke," she said into the intercom.

The diminutive ninja looked at the video monitor and did not recognize  
the person at the gate. He pressed the "talk" button and asked, "Whom  
shall I say is calling?"

"It is I, Tatewaki Kuno, your master," insisted the visitor.

"Not likely, Tatewaki is a man and you are clearly a girl. Go away."

"That demon Saotome has ensorceled me and stripped me of my manhood. Oh  
the shame of it! Let me in, Sasuke."

The little ninja went out into the darkening drizzle and approached the  
gate. "Prove to me that you are Tatewaki, or I shall call security and  
have you removed."

Outside the gate the figure brandished her boken and proclaimed, "I am  
Tatewaki Kuno, the rising star and Blue Thunder of Furinkan High  
School." It didn't sound quite as impressive in a girl's high voice.  
Thunder rumbled in the distance.

"Impressive," Sasuke conceded, "but you'll have to do better than that."

"You leave me no choice. Let me in or I'll tell my twisted sister about  
the incident involving you, a goldfish, and the cream cheese..."

"That's enough," interrupted the ninja, "I'll let you in, master."

The gate opened, and they entered the relative comfort of the mansion.  
Sasuke immediately began to heat some water.

"Why are you doing that?" inquired Kuno.

"I wanted to see if you have the same curse as Saotome himself,"  
answered the ninja servant.

"Do you believe that vile rumor that Ranma turns into a girl with cold  
water and back to a boy with hot water? What a preposterous lie."

"Only one way to find out," observed Sasuke, as he poured the now-hot  
water over Kuno.

Tatewaki changed back into his accustomed form. He examined himself, and  
finding that all his parts were back in place exclaimed, "I'm cured!"

"Only until the next time you meet with cold water," said the ninja. He  
splashed Kuno with cold water.

Instead of his previous female form, Tatewaki now resembled Ranko, but  
with the hair of Akane. Experimentation showed that hot water always  
returned Tatewaki to his birth form, but cold water alternately changed  
him to his Ranko form or his Akane form.

Kuno wept. "That demon said I would possess both my true loves forever,  
but now it seems that they possess me. Oh the tragedy! Yet, why would he  
make the likenesses of my loves so accurate but with their hair  
exchanged?"

"Who can know the devious mind of a demon?" offered Sasuke, "But would  
not confusion result if you were standing near your true loves and you  
got splashed with cold water?"

"You are wise, my faithful servant." Kuno reached for the kettle and  
found it empty. "Is it possible that the pig-tailed goddess and the vile  
sorcerer Saotome are one and the same? If so our love could never be. I  
must retire to my chambers and think upon this."

With a sly smile Sasuke asked, "Shall I bring you some cream cheese,  
master?"

===

It was after hours and Tofu Ono was finishing up some paperwork before  
going out for dinner. There was a knock at the door. "I wonder who that  
could be at this hour," he thought, "I hope it's not an emergency." He  
went to open the door and blinked in surprise. "Ranma my boy! What an  
unexpected pleasure - please come in." Tofu quickly scanned his visitor.  
"You seem healthy enough - perhaps healthier than ever. What brings you  
to Osaka?"

Ranma entered and said, "Actually, I came to see you, Sensei. We have  
much to catch up on. Would you like to have dinner with me?"

"If you don't mind eating here, I accept."

Ranma directed Tofu to clear a suitable space on his desk. With a  
flourish a hot dinner appeared, complete with utensils and napkins.

Ono was startled. "You're a magician now?"

"I'm just learning magic, among other things." Ranma gave a condensed  
summary of his life from the battle with Saffron through the ultimate  
technique. "When I flew here from Nerima I didn't use an airplane."

"That's quite a story, Ranma. If it were anyone but you I'd have trouble  
believing it." Tofu wiped his lips on his napkin. "Clearly you don't  
need medical attention."

Ranma caused the remains of dinner to disappear. "No, but there are  
things I can only discuss with you personally. If you don't mind, why  
did you leave Nerima so abruptly?"

Tofu stammered, "I had to get away. My problems with you-know-who were  
ruining my professional life and my personal life."

Ranma released his soothing aura. "Doc, how do you really feel about  
her?"

"I'm crazy about her, of course. Yet I'm terrified that she does not  
love me as I love her. I'm ashamed that I lose control of myself  
whenever her name is mentioned." Tofu paused briefly. "Thank you for  
calming my jitters, Ranma, that's a neat trick."

"Doc, if you want to woo Kasumi I can keep you calm until you get used  
to it and don't need help anymore."

"That's a generous offer, but I'll feel self-conscious with someone  
observing my courting."

"Oh, I can be very discreet," said Ranma as he faded from view. "And I  
don't need to be too near you," said the empty air.

Doctor Tofu probed with his martial-arts senses. The only trace of  
Ranma's presence was his serene aura. "Remarkable," he muttered. Louder,  
he added, "Okay, I'll consider your offer. You can reappear now."

Ranma faded in. Tofu shook his head and chuckled.

"It's never boring with you around, is it?" mused Tofu.

"I can't do boring, Doc; I can't do normal. I'm learning lots of stuff, but  
those two..." Ranma shrugged.

Thinking that turnabout is fair play, Ono asked, "What about your love  
life, son? Have you chosen a mate yet?"

Ranma slumped. "I can't. I'm trapped - if I chose any of them the others  
will respond with violence. Remember the aborted wedding? Bombs  
everywhere! I can't make any of them happy; heck, I can't even make  
myself happy."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Not even yourself? Don't you love any of them?"

"Doctor, I've realized that I don't even know what love is! Can you  
think of any happily married couple that I might learn from? I don't  
know anybody who has a healthy loving relationship." Ranma paused. "I  
used to think I loved Akane; I liked her a lot. Do you know why? Because  
she hit me and insulted me! For all my life my father hit me and  
insulted me - it was the only attention I ever got. Every time I tried  
to make friends with anyone he would pull me away. When Akane abused me  
I thought it was a sign of affection. What a miserable way to live..."

Tofu realized that Ranma's parents were hardly a normal, happily married  
couple, and Akane's parents were parted long ago.

Ranma continued, "I've tried to terminate all the engagements; it didn't  
help at all. I've tried to find replacement suitors for my fiancees.  
Thanks but no thanks. I've already moved out of the Tendo's house - I  
don't need a residence, or money (Nabiki would be appalled at that), or  
even property. I can create the few things I need, and the weather can't  
reach me if I sleep inside a solid boulder."

Tofu raised an eyebrow Spock-like.

Ranma sank into the floor and soon descended from the ceiling. "I still  
hang out a lot at the Tendo's so people know where to find me, but  
that's going to end soon when I graduate from school. My only viable  
option seems to be to remain single until they all grow old or give up.  
I don't want to live like that, but it seems to be my best choice."  
Ranma looked depressed.

"I'm sorry I can't help you there," said Ono.

Ranma brightened up. "Maybe you can, doc. Can I stay with you for a few  
years?"

"Will running away solve anything? Won't they hunt you down and bring  
mayhem to my door?"

Ranma morphed into a tall brown-haired woman of perhaps 21 years old  
wearing an embroidered kimono. "Meet Sakura Tanaka, doc. I doubt anyone  
will be able to find me."

Ono was stunned. "I see. Is there a reason you'd like to stay here  
instead of anywhere else?"

Ranma smiled. "I thought I'd like to try learning the healing arts. I  
think I could be pretty good at it."

Tofu was surprised. "Healing? That's quite a change, isn't it? Why  
healing?"

"All my life all I wanted, or rather all I was forced to want, was to be  
the best martial artist. Well now I am the very best who ever lived. And  
then it hit me - so what? I've lost my only goal in life, and now I need  
to find another. I don't think I want to try teaching the typical  
martial artist wannabes; I don't want to enter professional bouts  
(wouldn't be fair). I'm almost an adult now, and it's time I started  
acting like one. As a healer I can make a contribution to society, I can  
feel good about my job, and I can keep up my martial skills too."

Ono nodded. "You have grown up, Ranma. Once again, I'm impressed. Okay,  
I'll take you on after you graduate."

"Thanks, doc. You're a true friend."

===  
To be continued...

"When you pay attention to  
something, you become sensitized to it and more aware of it than normal.  
If you continue to pay attention, then you become 'linked' to it, as if  
it were a part of you." This section is based on my real life  
experiences. I know a woman who is so sensitive to coins lying on the  
ground that she is exceptionally good at finding them. In fact, she  
claims that they call out to her - and I've seen it happen! I know a man  
who observed the clouds for a minute twice a day - and the clouds became  
his friends. I've seen him modify the weather by making polite requests.  
He doesn't do that any more - he used to go about without a raincoat and  
never got wet, but that caused a drought! He says, "It's not my weather,  
it's everyone's weather."

A credo among writers is "write what you know." With a real life like  
mine, I'm obliged to write fantasy...

Mike


	5. 5 Shampoo

The Ultimate Technique - Chapter 5 - Shampoo

By Mike Breslau

Disclaimer: Better folks than I own most of the characters that appear  
in this scribbling.

===

As Cologne was waking up she immediately realized that something was  
wrong - very wrong. The positions of her limbs were not quite right, the  
pressure of her mattress against her body was all wrong, and the very  
texture of her flesh was a little bit off. Sensing that she was alone,  
she carefully opened her eyes. She was in her own bed, in her own room -  
so far, so good. She got out of bed and stood up. The response of her  
muscles was unfamiliar, and she was looking at her room from a higher  
viewpoint that usual. Danger sense working overtime, she looked into the  
mirror and screamed - in a deeper voice than usual.

The image in her mirror was the male form of Ranma Saotome! She was  
wearing his signature red silk shirt and black trousers. How could this  
be?

On closer inspection, she saw that her hair was not identical to  
Ranma's. It was dark purple, almost black, with tiny bright white spots  
scattered at random along the length of each strand. The white spots  
appeared to twinkle as the angle of view changed or as one strand of  
hair eclipsed another. It looked very much as if she were wearing a  
starry night sky as a wig. Very odd.

Cologne experimentally did a few deep knee bends and then a few pushups  
to try out this new body. It was splendid! He tried to poke himself in a  
few places - and it was like poking a fire hydrant. This was one hard  
body. A pleasant discomfort in his groin caused him to look down. It  
seems another part of this body was also hard. For all his years,  
Cologne had no experience dealing first-hand with morning wood. Hmm...

Cologne's scream had brought Shampoo and Mousse running to see what was  
wrong. Shampoo glomped Cologne while Mousse seethed with jealousy.  
"Airen! You come to visit Shampoo, yes?" She blinked in confusion. "Why  
is Ranma in great-grandmother's room? Where is Ku Lon?"

"Release me, granddaughter, I am Ku Lon, not your husband," Cologne  
answered in the Mandarin dialect of her village.

Shampoo dropped her arms in surprise. "Aiyah! How could this be?"

"I don't know, child. I just woke up this way. Maybe it's a Jusenkyo  
curse?" Cologne asked hopefully. The three Amazons hurried into the  
kitchen. Hot and cold water did nothing to Cologne except make him wet.

Cologne sat down feeling depressed. "This is not good." A minute passed  
in silence. Cologne mumbled to himself, "Who could have done this to me?  
My Amazon rivals don't have the skill, and neither has Son-in-law. I  
certainly can't go back to the village looking like this..."

"Shampoo go find husband - maybe he knows." Shampoo ran out the door.

The now young elder looked at Mousse. "Don't just stand there uselessly,  
we have a restaurant to run." They began preparing for the morning rush.

Shampoo returned 15 minutes later. "No find airen anywhere," she  
announced, "Now Shampoo have to go to school."

===

Two hours later Soun and Genma showed up at the Nekohanten.

Genma grabbed "Ranma" by the arm and declared, "Son, you must stop  
hanging around with Shampoo. Come back with us and marry Akane this  
instant."

Soun added, "The schools must be joined. It's a matter of honor." He  
grabbed "Ranma's" other arm.

Ku Lon's dignity was affronted - Amazon elders do NOT get treated that  
way, especially by outsider males. "I'm not Ranma, you morons - unhand  
me. I'm looking for him myself. I gather that neither of you knows where  
he is?"

"Of course you're Ranma," replied Genma, "and you shouldn't be hanging  
around with these people."

"Stop fooling around and come home with us, Ranma," added Soun. He  
resorted to his "dreaded" dragon-head technique to try to cow Ranma.

Cologne quickly poked a paralysis point on each visitor and the dopey  
duo toppled to the floor. "Mousse, make yourself useful. Tie up and gag  
these two nuisances and stack them up in a corner somewhere." He  
summarized his reaction to the two unwelcome guests by muttering, "Oi,  
Gevalt!"

===

School was over when Shampoo returned. No sign of Ranma had been found,  
and there was still no explanation for Cologne's transformation.

Shortly thereafter Ukyo showed up with her trusty battle spatula. "I'm  
looking for...Oh there you are. Ranchan, why are you hanging around with  
the Amazons?"

"I'm not Ranma," answered Ku Lon, who had been repeating that mantra all  
morning. "Go away, child."

Ukyo was taken aback. "Why are you calling me child? You're not that  
much older than me."

Ku Lon sighed. "Only three hundred years older, lass. I'm the one you  
keep calling 'Cologne.' Today I'm wearing a body that looks like  
Ranma's, but I'm not him inside."

Ukyo wasn't convinced. "An unlikely story. Prove it."

Cologne responded with a string of curses in Mandarin, then she pressed  
a temporary paralysis point on Ukyo. "Mousse, stack this one up near the  
other two. I don't think you need to tie her up." After all, Ukyo was  
one of the saner people in Ranma's crowd. Cologne shook his head and  
muttered, "quel dommage."

===

Soon thereafter Ryoga appeared. He had mastered his new GPS device, and  
he wasn't as angry with Ranma as he used to be, but old habits die hard.  
"Ranma, prepare to die!" he announced in a relatively friendly tone of  
voice.

By this time, Cologne was wearing a bright red teeshirt with the kanji  
for "I'm not Ranma" in bold letters on the front and the back. He didn't  
know that Ranma and Ryoga were getting along better now, so he took  
Ryoga's declaration at face value. Cologne took a defensive stance.  
"What is it this time?" he asked in exasperation.

"Nothin' special, I just wanted to spar." Ryoga paused. "Ranma, you're  
not acting like yourself today."

"I'm not Ranma," Cologne repeated for the nth time, "I am Ku Lon, Elder  
of the Amazons, and I seem to be under a curse. It's most annoying."

"Spring of drowned Ranma?" Ryoga wondered. "Is Ranma dead?"

Ku Lon relaxed his stance. "I hope not, but I haven't seen him today. Do  
you know where he is?"

"No. I'd heard that he was at the Nekohanten today. Sorry to have  
bothered you." Ryoga wandered off, eventually returning to his home by  
way of a shortcut through Tibet and Nicaragua.

Cologne shook his head and sighed. Ryoga was a sad case.

===

The sky darkened, and an ominous shadow moved quickly down the street.  
Taro-kaiju landed heavily in front of the Nekohanten with much flapping  
of wings and bellowed a challenge.

Cologne was getting tired of these shenanigans. He went out to meet the  
unwelcome visitor. Mousse and Shampoo followed, bearing glasses of hot  
water, just in case.

Taro grabbed "Ranma" and lifted him high. "Moo!" To anyone who didn't  
speak kaiju this was unintelligible. Shampoo threw hot water on Taro,  
reverting him to his human form.

Ku Lon bopped Taro on the head with his staff. "Unhand me, Taro"

"Not until you tell me where Happosai is," replied Taro, who had a  
one-track mind.

Ku Lon bopped Taro again. "I have no idea where that old pervert is!  
Haven't seen him for weeks."

"You lie," declared Taro as he made another attempt to grab "Ranma".

Ku Lon dodged the grab and pressed a paralysis point. "Mousse, tie this  
one up and stack him near the others - and see that he doesn't get wet!"  
Taking one last look at the unwelcome visitor, he muttered, "gloopaya  
cheloveck."

===

Tatewaki (in male form) and Kodachi approached the Nekohanten trailed by  
Sasuke at a discreet distance.

Cologne, getting tired of the parade of unwelcome visitors, quietly  
muttered, "Oi vey is meir."

Tatewaki brandished his boken. "Release me from your vile enchantment,  
or face the divine wrath of the True Blunder!" Thunder rumbled in the  
distance.

Cologne was about to reply, but Kodachi preempted him. "Don't you dare  
harm my beloved Ranma-sama."

"Silence, my twisted sister!"

"Oh shut up, my pompous brother!"

Cologne tried to silence Tatewaki by using a pressure point, but a boken  
slash intercepted her. There commenced a brief boken vs. staff duel  
which ended prematurely as Kodachi succeeded in tying up her brother  
with a ribbon. Cologne quickly pressed a sleep point.

Kodachi tossed a bouquet of black roses at "Ranma" which released a  
cloud of paralytic pollen. Cologne almost managed to dodge it and was  
merely rendered sleepy. Kodachi glomped her "beloved" and murmured, "Now  
we can be alone, my love." There followed her patented laugh which could  
unnerve the stoutest heart.

At this point Shampoo managed to knock out Kodachi, thus freeing  
Cologne.

As Mousse was tying up the latest visitors, Principal Kuno appeared  
wielding a pair of scissors in each hand. "Ranma, you have escaped my  
shears for the last time. Prepare to surrender your..."

Cologne bopped the principal sharply over the head with her staff, thus  
cutting short the elder Kuno's pontifications.

"Ooh, look at all the pretty cuckoos," murmured Kuno before he lost  
consciousness.

"They're cuckoos all right, but not pretty," remarked Shampoo.

"Mousse, one more for you," ordered Cologne.

Mousse responded, "I hope this ends soon, I'm running short on chains."

===

Somewhat later Akane showed up. She appeared to be holding back tears.  
"Ranma, why are you still here? Have you chosen Shampoo over me?"

Had Akane come earlier Ku Lon would have tried to turn this situation to  
her own advantage. By now the Amazon Elder was beginning to feel  
sympathy for the pig-tailed artist whose likeness she wore and was  
reluctant to add to his woes. "Akane, I am Ku Lon, not Ranma. Someone  
has given me this body, and I can't turn back into myself. I haven't  
seen Ranma all day."

Akane studied "Ranma" and noticed the teeshirt and the night-sky hair.  
She sniffed. "I see. Sorry to have bothered you. Nice hair, I wish I  
could get that effect."

Ku Lon nodded. His hair was attractive. "Farewell, Akane."

===

A young foreigner appeared, pushing a yatai filled with odd sausages.  
The yatai bore a sign proclaiming "Fearless Fred, the Frankfurter  
Fighter." Fred himself was oddly attired, being clad in a tunic made of  
sauerkraut with mustard-colored trim and a reddish-brown belt.

Ku Lon began banging his head against a utility pole while muttering  
imprecations in a dozen languages. Would the madness ever end?

"I'm here to challenge Ranma Saotome," declared Fred, "I hear that he's  
the best martial artist around."

Cologne sighed. "Despite appearances, I am not Ranma, I merely look like  
him. You are wasting your time, young man, no matter how good you think  
you are the real Ranma is better." Xian Pu quietly approached to observe  
the procedings.

"A likely story," scoffed the foreigner. "I challenge you to a duel,  
whoever you are."

Cologne smirked. "As the challenged party, do I get to choose the  
weapons?"

"You may choose your own weapon - I will fight using my unique style."

"That's not 'unique,' that's 'idiotic,'" groused Ku Lon. "Very well, I  
shall fight using ramen." Might as well fight silliness with silliness.

"Are you sure, great-grandmother?" Shampoo asked sounding concerned.

"Great-grandmother?" wondered Fred. "Ranma" was far too young and the  
wrong gender, wasn't he?

Cologne answered Shampoo, "Yes, Xian Pu, fetch the leftovers from the  
wedding fiasco."

"Okay!" Shampoo felt much better. The leftovers were very special  
indeed.

Fred began the duel by selecting some oddly bent frankfurters and  
coating them with incendiary mustard sauce. This enabled him to throw  
flaming delicatessen boomerangs. Ku Lon raised one eyebrow Spock-like  
and responded by throwing long strands of strong, stretchy, sticky ramen  
noodles. Both sides managed to dodge the attacks. Round one ended in a  
draw.

Fred threw some exploding hot dogs. Cologne reacted by throwing  
exploding noodles. Round two ended with both parties blackened but  
unhurt.

Cologne called out, "Shampoo, fetch the last-resort noodles. Be  
careful." He returned his attention just in time to avoid Fred's  
acid-spewing sauerkraut. This was getting ridiculous. Cologne tried to  
whip Fred with a nine-yard-long unbreakable noodle, but Fred managed to  
dodge.

Just as Fred was choosing his next weapon Shampoo arrived with a small  
stainless-steel container which she held with Teflon gloves. Ku Lon  
tossed the container at Fred using her staff so that he need not touch  
it. Fred was splashed with a glowing green goo that smelled worse than  
anything a human could endure. The goo, flamming around the edges, began  
to dissolve Fred's clothes.

"Get it off! Get it off!" cried Fred, who knew when he was overmatched.  
"What is that stuff? It's vile." Fearless Fred was tearing  
uncontrollably.

Cologne responded by dousing Fred with chicken soup, which everyone  
knows is good for whatever ails you. "That stuff, as you call it, is  
buckwheat ramen noodles as prepared by Akane Tendo. The JSDF tried to  
find a military use for it but they deemed it too dangerous to handle."

"You win," conceded Fred. "I'm no match for that stuff. I'm going home."  
He collected the remains of his gear and set off down the road.

Cologne didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so he settled for sighing.

===

Finally, it was all over. The evening rush had ended, the formerly  
paralyzed visitors had been untied, released, and sent home, and Mousse  
was finishing with the sweep-up. It was strangely peaceful. Too  
peaceful, Ku Lon realized. Some subtle influence was making her feel  
more tranquil than circumstances warranted. Could it be an influence of  
Ranma's body? She extended her senses - nothing.

He had not lived three hundred years without learning when to be  
suspicious, when to double check. Ku Lon explored the Nekohanten and its  
environs, 'sniffing' the emotional ambience of each place. The subtle  
calming effect was strongest in the storeroom in which the Amazon  
artifacts from home were kept.

"Ranma?" he called. It was just a guess, but whenever anything odd  
happened in Nerima Ranma was usually involved.

Ku Lon gasped as somebody resembling her usual self faded into view.  
"You called?" asked "Cologne" with a smirk.

Ku Lon boggled and quickly checked this new person's ki. It resembled  
Ranma's, but was over four times stronger. That was cause for alarm.  
Ranma had slain Saffron with only a fraction of the ki he possessed now.  
"Ranma?" he repeated uncertainly.

The copy of Cologne replied, "Yes, I'm Ranma. Tell me, how do you enjoy  
living my life?"

Ku Lon shuddered. "I'd rather not, thanks. What's going on here? Why are  
you wearing my body?"

The gnome-on-a-stick who was really Ranma turned serious. "What's going  
on? Why, nothing less than a major turning point in the history of the  
Amazons."

Ku Lon's blood ran cold. Shampoo and Mousse drifted into the storeroom  
quietly and attentively observed the proceedings. "Which one is Ranma  
and which is Elder?" Shampoo asked.

"The one who looks like Ranma is really Ku Lon, and the one who looks  
like Ku Lon is really Ranma," answered "Cologne."

"Aiyah! Is very confusing," observed Xian Pu.

"Yes, very confusing. Could I please have my body back?" asked Ku Lon.

"Cologne" morphed into Ranko to reduce confusion. "You may have your  
body back at the conclusion of this meeting, if you still want it."

"Why wouldn't I want it?" wondered the Ranma lookalike.

Ranko answered, "Well, I've given you back your youth - you could be  
good for another 300 years. If you kept my body you could go home and  
father lots of my sons. You'd get what you always wanted, and I'd get to  
stay here unmolested, which is what I'd always wanted."

Cologne picked up on Ranko's choice of words. "Sons?"

"Oh, haven't I mentioned that?" said Ranko, feigning innocence. "It  
seems that my bodies and all their copies can only have male children."

Cologne paled. The thought of dozens of Ranma's sons - rebellious,  
inventive, untameable, and powerful male martial artists - running loose  
in the Amazon village...the matriarchal culture could not survive such  
an invasion! Ranma had suddenly become much less attractive as a  
husband. Shampoo, to her credit, had the same realization.

"Aiyah! How is this possible?" asked Shampoo. She was heartbroken; she  
had developed a deep romantic attachment to her "husband."

Ranko explained at length. "Nabiki developed an 'ultimate technique'  
that was designed to be impossible for me to master, but I never lose. I  
learned the technique. It opened my senses and unlocked my potential;  
allowing me to see and analyze the workings of my Jusenkyo curse. I  
became the master of the Jusenkyo magic and all its variants. Yes, I can  
cure your curses if I choose to do so. I have spent the entire day in  
here analyzing your magical artifacts and figuring out how they work."  
She paused for a moment. "I've seen you use these magical trinkets, but  
with the possible exception of some potions, I haven't noticed you  
creating any magic or using any new spells. Tell me, are there any  
Amazon mages now?"

Cologne sighed. "Mages tend to keep their secrets to themselves, with  
good reason. Amateurs who lack complete control could wreak havoc with  
wild use of magic. The last Amazon mage died without an apprentice 800  
years ago." Cologne was worried. Besides being the world's premier  
martial artist, Ranma was on his way to being a formidable mage too.

"Listen carefully," said Ranko. "Amazon traditions will have to be  
seriously updated, or else the Amazons will not survive. Your current  
culture is ill-equipped for the present era. Yes, I know, 3,000 years,  
blah, blah, blah. Three hundred years ago, while Ku Lon was still young,  
you could temporarily ignore any warrior who was beyond the range of a  
bow and arrow. Today the world has changed. Your vaunted martial arts  
skills are useless when facing a modern military. The PRC would happily  
send 10,000 soldiers armed with AK47s against you, and if you somehow  
managed to kill them all, why they'd send another 10,000 until you were  
wiped out. Your magic and weapons are useless against a jet fighter with  
laser-guided bombs or ballistic missiles with nuclear warheads. You have  
to adapt or die."

The Amazons looked solemn. "You are right, of course, but we had avoided  
considering the facts as they are now," said Ku Lon at last. "We are  
proud of our ancient traditions, which have served us well for so long,  
but...relying on mountains and isolation for safety is futile in the age  
of helicopters."

Ranko continued, "While you're at it, you may want to reconsider your  
treatment of males. Half of the potential abilities and talents of your  
population are going to waste, and I don't think you have resources to  
spare. Besides, there is an inherent contradiction in your customs. If a  
maiden can only marry a man stronger than herself, how can you insist  
that men as a class are weaker than women? It's just a suggestion."

Mousse nodded in silent agreement and grinned.

Cologne sighed. "Among our people a few Elders are concerned about the  
paradox you mentioned. Most of the youngsters haven't given the matter  
any thought; they merely accept matters as they are."

"Are you going to redesign our laws and customs?" asked Shampoo coldly.  
"Isn't that a little presumptuous?"

"No," answered Ranko, "any revisions must be the work of the Amazons  
themselves. Since I object to your forcing your laws on me, I will not  
force my laws on you. I do have one requirement, and one suggestion to  
make. You must not punish Xian Pu for her failure to 'capture' me - it  
is not dishonorable to fail in an impossible task."

Cologne nodded. "I have been trying to figure out how to do that for a  
while now. Xian Pu is headstrong, in love with you, and her success  
would be an important benefit to the tribe, so I allowed her to  
continue. That ends tonight - Ranma is now off-limits to the Amazons.  
What is your suggestion?"

Ranko's demeanor grew serious. "I offer you aid and friendship so long  
as you do not disappoint me. But, you should be aware that if you  
convince me that you are both dangerous and stupid it will be my duty as  
a martial artist to exterminate the Amazons to protect the weak.  
'Dangerous' is a given, you pride yourselves on being dangerous. Just me  
sure you are not seen as 'stupid' too."

Mousse asked, "Why is everybody looking at me?"

"That's a serious charge, Ranma," said Cologne.

"I meant it to be serious. Don't worry," said Ranko. "I'm not going to  
judge the whole tribe by Mousse, or any other single person."

Ku Lon realized that Ranma was more devious than she had thought. If the  
matriarchal nature of her tribe had to be reevaluated, then she might  
keep Ranma's body and father many sons. He needed time to think about  
this. "I need to have my original body when I return to the tribe of  
they will not believe that I am an elder. Can we keep in touch with you  
after we return to China? Can I have this body again if I decide that I  
want it?"

Ranko replied, "Yes and yes. I expect to visit you often for a while,  
and you may use a cell phone to reach me at any time." She smiled. "And  
as a token of my good will (and a demonstration of my power) I will  
remove the Jusenkyo curses of Shampoo and Mousse, and even fix Mousse's  
eyesight."

Shampoo looked pleased. Mousse was ecstatic. Ku Lon nodded and smiled.  
This wasn't so bad after all. "Thank you, Ranma. Could I have my old  
body back now? I really don't need to go through adolescence again."

Ranko nodded and did as she had offered. Ku Lon returned to her 'real'  
body, Mousse and Shampoo were cured of their curses and made immune to  
Jusenkyo magic, and Mousse's eyesight was corrected. "Farewell for now,"  
said Ranko as she faded away.

===

To be continued...

FWIW, in real life I had a father-in-law who would sit quietly in his  
chair and fill the entire room with a warm aura of benign serenity. Just  
being near him was a mildly healing experience. I told my wife-to-be  
that when I grew up I wanted to be like him - and later she remarked  
that I was well on my way. It wasn't hard for me to imagine that Ranma,  
having become a super-Buddha, would have a similar, un-Ranma-like aura.

Mike 


	6. 6 Ukyo

The Ultimate Technique - Chapter 6 - Ukyo

By Mike Breslau

Disclaimer: Better folks than I own most of the characters that appear  
in this scribbling.

===

Ukyo Kuonji was not having a good day. She was vigorously cleaning the  
surface of her griddle and mentally reviewing recent developments. First  
Ranma, the main focal point of her life for the last 14 years, had gone  
into do-not-disturb seclusion for four days and then he had vanished.  
Then there were rumors that he had broken off all his engagements,  
leaving her honor diminished if they were true. That was certainly  
unlike him. Now there were brief random appearances of Ranma here and  
there - mostly 'there' and not 'here,' she sighed. Although the most  
recent Ranma sighting, at the Nekohanten, turned out to be Cologne  
disguised as Ranma for some reason. The world was becoming even weirder  
than usual, and the strangeness centered once again around a certain  
pig-tailed martial artist/chaos magnet.

The doorbell chimed, announcing the arrival of a customer. "We're not  
open yet," Ukyo began only to break off as she caught sight of Ranma in  
female form. "Ranma? Where have you been? I was so worried..."

Ranko answered, "Sorry, Ukyo, I should have gotten to you earlier but I  
had too much stuff to settle first."

Ukyo noticed that Ranma had not addressed her as 'Ucchan' but chose to  
ignore it. "What sort of 'stuff'?"

"Mostly what I want to do with the rest of my life, and what to do about  
my former fiancees."

Ukyo's face fell. "Former?" she asked angrily, "Is that all I am to you  
now?"

Ranko answered somberly, "Ukyo, there's no way I c'n marry any of the  
folks I know, male or female, without dishonoring or disappointing the  
rest of them. I've been putting it off from day to day, but my life  
hasn't gotten any simpler. None of my fiancees have given up (except  
Xian Pu, I hope). It looks like I'll be single for the rest of my life,  
and even that won't satisfy anyone."

Ukyo felt a touch of sympathy. Perhaps Ranma's problems were worse than  
her own. "You paint a pretty bleak picture, Ranchan. Is it as bad as all  
that?"

"You tell me, Ukyo. Who can I make happy without making everyone else  
miserable? Who can I marry without dishonoring many others?"

Ukyo could not answer. Ranma was well and truly trapped. "Point taken.  
But what about my dowry? What about my honor? You owe me, Ranma."

Ranma smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. "I can replace your dowry,  
and more. How does a solid gold yatai sound?"

Ukyo's jaw dropped. "You've gotta be kidding me, right? Solid gold?"

Ranma placed his hand palm down on the counter top. Raising his hand  
slowly revealed a gleaming yellow six-inch high scale model of the  
Kuonji yatai as Ranma remembered it.

Ukyo reached a trembling hand and lifted the model. It felt warm and  
heavy to her touch. "It is gold," she said wonderingly. "The wheels  
turn, the parts move...this is exquisite, Ranma. How?"

Ranma answered obliquely. "Have you ever wondered how mass is created  
and destroyed when the Jusenkyo-cursed change forms? Shampoo's neko form  
is much smaller and lighter than her girl form."

Ukyo blinked, "Yes, but..."

"Now imagine a spring in which a 'nothing' had drowned. What would  
happen to a person who fell into that spring?"

"I guess they would turn into nothing." Ukyo couldn't see where this was  
going.

"Now suppose hot water reversed the curse somehow," Ranma prompted.

Thoroughly confused, Ukyo guessed, "Nothing would turn into a person?"

Ranma nodded. "I've not only mastered my own curse, I've mastered the  
Jusenkyo magic and all its variants. I just turned 'nothing' into a  
present for you - I want you to have it. I can replace your yatai, any  
size, any shape, any material that you want. But, I suspect that you  
don't want a yatai; you have your own restaurant."

"You're right, I don't want a yatai. I want the one thing you won't give  
me - I want you."

Ranma gave another slight smile. "I may be able to help you with that  
too. Is Konatsu around?"

"Yes, he's out back, but..."

"Call him please."

A moment later they were joined by the male kunoichi.

"I might have a way to give each of you your heart's desire," Ranma  
said, "but you both have to consent and agree."

Konatsu prompted, "Go on, Ranma."

Ranma addressed Konatsu. "What would you give up if you could marry  
Ukyo?"

That lady was incensed. "Hey..." she interrupted angrily. Ranma waved  
her to silence.

Konatsu didn't hesitate. "Anything, anything at all."

Ranma persisted. "Your name? Your clan? Your body?"

"Yes, yes, and yes. To gain Ukyo's love I'd gladly give up all that and  
more."

Ranma turned to Ukyo. "No man has ever loved a woman more than Konatsu  
loves you. You should feel honored." He turned to Konatsu. "If you're  
adopted into the Saotome clan and Ukyo marries you, then her honor will  
be satisfied."

"Yes, but..." interjected Ukyo.

Ranma continued, "I can make his body into a copy of my body, and he  
could even father my children. He's already a formidable martial artist,  
and I could train him further if necessary. Heck, I could even teach him to be  
an insensitive, womanizing, uneducated jerk if you want an accurate copy  
of me. What do you say?"

"I hope we can skip the 'jerk' part, Ranma" responded Konatsu.

Ranma winked at him to show that he wasn't serious about that part.

Ukyo was shaken. "I'll need time to think about it. You're offering me a  
substitute Ranma..."

Konatsu's reaction was unexpected. Very diffidently he began, "I don't  
know how to ask this, but...you're using Jusenkyo magic to turn me into  
a copy of you, right?"

Ranma nodded.

Konatsu continued softly, "Could I ask you to give me your boy/girl  
curse too?"

"What?" exclaimed Ukyo, "You want a curse?"

Konatsu blushed and explained. "I've always envied Ranma's curse. I was  
raised to think I was a girl, and I was disappointed when I learned that  
I was really a boy. I've mostly gotten used to being a male, but in the  
back of my mind I still wonder what it would be like to be a real girl."

Ranma looked thoughtful for a minute. "It's not a bad idea. The boy/girl  
curse is really a blessing of sorts - you get to learn how the other  
half lives. Sometimes I wonder if the world would be better off if  
everybody had two genders...It would do a lot to erase discrimination  
and reduce misunderstandings."

"Don't you dare curse everyone, Ranma," opined Ukyo.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to - there are billions of people on Earth,  
and more get born faster than I could bless them. And yes, I consider it  
a blessing, not a curse, now."

"Ranma," said Ukyo, "could you give us a 'trial run' for a week so we  
could try it before making a commitment? Would you undo it if we don't  
like it or think it won't work?"

"That's a good idea, of course I'll do it. Do both of you consent to a  
trial run?"

Ukyo nodded tentatively, Konatsu agreed eagerly.

Ranma closed his eyes and calmed himself. Konatsu felt an odd tingling  
briefly. Ukyo inhaled in surprise. Konatsu was now a copy of male Ranma,  
except his hair was dark red instead of black. His clothes had changed  
to Ranma's signature red and black silks. A mirror materialized and  
Konatsu admired his new appearance.

"It's not the old me, but it's nice."

Ukyo asked, "Why the odd hair color? Couldn't you give him black hair?"

Ranma replied by morphing himself into a duplicate of Ukyo, complete  
with battle spatula.

"Oh," said Konatsu.

"That's creepy...unnerving," said Ukyo. "You really don't want to meet  
yourself on every street corner..."

Ranma muttered something about 'identity theft' then morphed into Ranko  
and turned towards Konatsu. "I've given you a convenient, manageable  
trigger, Konatsu. Just think 'onna, onna, onna' when you want to go  
girl."

Konatsu turned into a copy of Ranko with orange-brown auburn hair  
instead of Ranma's fiery locks. Her new clothing resembled the kimono  
that Konatsu normally wore, but of finer manufacture. She admired  
herself in the mirror and smiled. "The best of both worlds," she  
whispered. Konatsu experimentally thought 'otoko, otoko, otoko,' and  
changed back into his new male form. He looked happy.

"What are you going to do now, Ranma?" asked Ukyo. She sensed that he  
was preparing to leave.

"I'm gonna vanish, for the most part. I'll do what I want to do, not  
what anyone else want me to do. I'll control who sees me and who I want  
to see. I'll try to figure out who I am, what I'm good for, and what I  
want to do with the rest of my life. I'll expand my new art and my old  
one. Heck, I may even learn to think before I talk."

Ukyo was clearly disappointed. "I see. But wherever you go, Nabiki and  
Cologne will do their best to find you."

Ranma grinned. "I could be standing right next to them, in plain sight,  
and they'd never notice me." To illustrate his point he morphed into  
Soun Tendo (complete with waterworks), Mousse, Kasumi in an apron, and  
finally into Ranko.

Konatsu nodded. "That would certainly do it."

Ranma hugged Ukyo. "I'll keep in touch. You two are among the few I can  
count as friends, and I feel responsible for your well being, now that  
I've meddled in your affairs this much."

Ukyo was in a bittersweet mood. "Fare well, Ranma."

Ranma turned to leave, then paused halfway to the door. "Kodachi is  
coming." He grinned, "This is going to be fun."

"Are you sure?" asked Ukyo. "Kodachi hardly ever comes here."

Konatsu wondered how it could be fun to have the Black Rose visit.

Kodachi burst in wearing her trademark black leotard. "Have you seen  
my...Ranma-sama?" She glomped Konatsu. "Why are you hanging around with  
these peasants?"

Konatsu managed to get out, "I'm not Ranma; she is!" indicating Ranko.

"Nonsense," Kodachi objected, "I know my manly Ranma when I see him. The  
red-haired harlot is certainly not him!"

Konatsu morphed to his female form while Kodachi was still hugging him  
tightly.

Kodachi was quite confused. Her gaze turned rapidly from "Ranko" to  
Ranko. "Two harlots?" She had clearly felt Konatsu changing shape while  
held tightly in her arms.

Ranko morphed into Ranma. "Who are you calling a harlot, you demented  
wench?"

Kodachi released Konatsu and glomped Ranma. "What's going on here, my  
love?"

Ranma morphed into Ranko and feigned indignation. "Why are you calling  
your true love a harlot?"

"Ranma? Is it true that my manly Ranma is the same person as the  
red-haired strumpet?" Kodachi was increasingly confused.

Konatsu morphed back to "Ranma." "Yes, it's true," he answered. Konatsu  
was getting into the spirit of things; this was fun!

"Argh!" was the best that Kodachi could manage. "It cannot be!"

Ranko turned into Ranma. "Get used to it, Kodachi, because it's true."

Kodachi edged closer to madness. "Two Ranmas?" she giggled, "I must have  
them both!" She was Tatewaki's sister. She reached into her subspace  
pocket to withdraw the black rose bouquet that she kept there and  
emerged holding a handful of ragweed. She sneezed violently.  
"Unforgivable. How did this get in there?" She sneezed again and tossed  
away the weeds.

Ukyo suppressed a giggle. The two Ranmas smirked.

"It's a Jusenkyo curse, Kodachi, just like your brother's," explained  
Ranma. "We cursed individuals change form when we encounter a trigger,  
usually water. I am the real Ranma, in either form, the other one is  
actually Konatsu."

Kodachi stamped her foot. "No, no, no. It cannot be. Curses like that  
are impossible!"

Ranma filled a glass with water and poured it on Kodachi's head. The  
Black Rose was transformed into an anthropomorphic blue-grey rabbit  
standing about three feet high and holding a carrot.

"Eh... What's up, Doc?" said the bunny. Ranma showed her the mirror.  
Kodachi-Bugs fainted.

"You were right, Ranma, that was fun," observed Ukyo.

Konatsu asked, "what did you do to her?"

Ranma beamed proudly. "That was my most complicated curse yet. Warm  
water restores her human form, but each encounter with cold water turns  
her into a different talking-animal cartoon character. There are over a  
dozen cartoon forms available for her to enjoy."

Konatsu whistled appreciatively.

Ranma poured warm water on the bunny. Kodachi revived, looked around  
fearfully, and examined her hands. She was reassured at seeing their  
familiar form.

"What a nightmare," Kodachi murmured.

"Not a nightmare, just a Jusenkyo curse," explained Ranma. "I used warm  
water to restore your human form - at least until you get splashed with  
cold water again."

Kodachi shuddered. "Will I be like this forever?"

"No. You, your brother, and your father will lose your curses when you  
shed your illusions and act like normal people."

"My father has a curse too? What is his cursed form?" Kodachi asked.

Ranma gave an evil grin. "Cousin Itt from the Addams Family."

Konatsu and Ukyo giggled. The irony was delicious.

"It's a variant on the Dragon Whisker magic. It wasn't hard to do,"  
explained Ranma.

"Go home, Kodachi, you're not welcome here," concluded Ranma. Kodachi  
left looking bewildered.

===

To be continued...

It's fun to morph a cartoon character into a cartoon character...

Mike 


	7. 7 Wrapup

The Ultimate Technique - Chapter 7 - Wrapup

By Mike Breslau

Disclaimer: Better folks than I own most of the characters that appear  
in this scribbling.

===

"This is the best of times; this is the worst of times," mused Ranma as  
he sat in history class fighting to stay awake and pay attention. Since  
he had discovered how much he didn't know, he'd been diligently trying  
to catch up with his peers. Ranma found he relished learning something  
new (the best of times), but he couldn't abide the teacher droning on  
about material he already knew (the worst of times). Fortunately, the  
very worst experience - listening to a teacher who knew less than Ranma  
did about some subject - was rare.

Ranma wasn't sure why he needed to know what happened 400 years ago in  
an alien culture that happened to occupy Japan at the time. Why did the  
teacher keep trivializing all those ancient battles, reducing them to  
dates, locations, and the victor's names?

Ranma sat upright in his seat. Battles? He was a martial artist, not a  
warrior, but weapons, tactics, and strategy sang in his blood. Perhaps  
if he looked into those old fights in more detail he could find  
something interesting, maybe even something important. Suddenly, class  
seemed much less boring.

After school Ranma went to the library and checked out some history  
books that went into more detail. Most were dry as dust, but two went  
into fascinating descriptions. This was more like it! He could almost  
imagine what it was like to be a soldier in olden times - the smells,  
the sounds, the effort, and the pain. Why couldn't school be this  
interesting? What other boring subjects would turn out to be fascinating  
if he only bothered to look into them more deeply? That was the day  
Ranma Saotome improbably turned into a scholar.

===

"You're late again," observed Dr. Tofu as 'Sakura' entered his room.  
"More time in the library?"

"Yeah, Doc, I've been trying to make sense of this world I find myself  
stuck in."

Tofu joked, "who ever said the world made sense?"

"You know what I mean, Sensei. Once I realized how much I didn't know I  
tried to catch up with everybody else. Yet, the more I learn the more  
questions I have."

Tofu nodded. "You can spend your whole life pursuing knowledge, just  
like you've spent it pursuing martial arts so far. If anyone can master  
both, it's you, Sakura."

"I can't find anything in the books I've tried that answers the question  
that's bothering me now. Sensei, why do guys fight? It's all I've done  
in my whole life, but I've realized I don't know why..."

Tofu tried to look wise and philosophical. "Do you understand the  
concept of evolution, the idea that people are descended from nonhuman  
species long ago?"

"Yeah, but..." Sakura sounded puzzled.

Tofu continued, "In most mammalian species the males fight to establish  
a hierarchy - The alpha male at the top gets all the females. It keeps  
the species strong and fit. Actually, it's the young who do most of the  
fighting - the older males know their place in the hierarchy and have no  
need to fight. In human terms, boys under 25 do most of the fighting and  
those over 35 infrequently fight."

Sakura looked enlightened. "So if Ranma is the best fighter he becomes  
the alpha male, and that's why he gets all the girls?"

Tofu nodded. "In my experience, you and Ranko are the only girls his age  
who are not actively pursuing Ranma. Besides being the alpha male, he's  
attractive, kind, and honorable, all qualities that make him very  
desireable."

"That explains a lot, Sensei. But with entanglements of honor and Amazon  
law Ranma would still have too many girls if he wasn't the alpha male."

"A uniquely human problem," replied Tofu.

===

Ranma entered the Saotome residence as Ukyo and Konatsu were leaving.

"Hi, Ran-chan. Bye, Ran-chan," Ukyo said in passing. Konatsu simply  
waved.

"My, they look happy together," Nodoka enthused. "Though it is confusing  
having two gender-changing children who look so much alike."

Ranma smiled and thought he could solve that problem too, but not just  
now. He was planning to resign from his parent's clan when the time  
seemed right.

"Hi, Mom, is the panda here?" Ranma already knew the answer, he was just  
being polite.

"He's in the dining room cheating at...I mean playing shogi with Soun."  
Nodoka's voice carried the subtext, "Some things never change."

"Well, as long as he's not here...Mom, I've been studying a lot and my  
grades have really improved."

Nodoka beamed. "I'm so proud of you, son, just don't brag to your  
father."

"About that - I've been learning psychology, and it's got me thinking.  
About 'compensation'."

Nodoka was puzzled. "Yes?"

"Mom, your idea of 'manly' and my idea of 'perverted' are pretty much  
alike. Is Genma 'manly' enough for you?"

Nodoka sighed and blushed. After a moment's hesitation she answered, "I  
was hoping that a student of Happosai would be manly, but frankly your  
father disappoints me."

Ranma nodded. "I suspected as much. You want me to be a 'man among men'  
to compensate for Genma's shortcomings. I'm sorry, but I seem to have  
inherited his lack of sex drive, otherwise, I wouldn't be able to resist  
all those girls throwing themselves at me all the time."

"I see," said Nodoka sadly.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, Mom. Do you still want to commit seppuku? I  
won't mind - but I won't stay dead for long."

"That won't be necessary, Ranma. I'm satisfied that you're the best of  
the best, and I'm proud of you. What do you mean, 'you won't stay  
dead'?"

"I'm a master of ki and magic. A little thing like decapitation won't  
kill me unless I want it to."

"I see, I think." Nodoka had much to think about.

"Yeah, I'm still getting used to it too. Now I have business with the  
panda."

Ranma entered the dining room. "Hi, Genma, how're you doin'?"

"Go away," read the panda sign. Flip. "Can't you see I'm busy?"  
Genma didn't look up in order to keep Soun from cheating.

Ranma turned sarcastic. "Nice to see you too, old man. Now that I'm not  
under your thumb you have no more time for me." He continued a little  
louder, "Would you like to be free from the panda curse and stay human  
all the time?"

There was a moment of shocked silence. The panda upended a handy glass  
of hot water over himself, turning into a pudgy man. "You mean it? You  
can cure my curse?"

"Of course I can. Jusenkyo magic was the first kind that I mastered."

Genma wept tears of joy. "Oh happy day! Ain't never gonna be a panda no  
more..."

Ranma smirked. "Done. Let's test it, shall we?" He poured a glass of  
cold water over Genma, who did not change his appearance.

There was a moment of stunned silence. Genma looked horrified and  
screamed, "What have you done to me?"

"Spring of drowned virtuous man, along with compulsive truth-telling and  
a smidgen of conscience. On the plus side I've increased your sex drive  
and your stamina. You'll enjoy it, that is, if your wife lets you live."

Genma was speechless. Soun asked for him, "Why did you do that, Ranma?  
Is this how you treat your father?"

"The cursed springs are a training ground, but they teach more than  
martial arts - they try to teach what you most need to learn. In my case  
they needed to correct my chauvinistic view of girls. In Genma's case  
they tried to teach him responsibility - a lesson he's reluctant to  
learn. I had to give him a curse so strong and so specific that he  
couldn't ignore it if he tried." Addressing the gibbering Genma, Ranma  
continued, "Each time you behave honorably the water magnet part of your  
curse will grow a little weaker. If you ever become a man I can be proud  
of, then your curse will disappear."

Genma sobbed uncontrollably and hid his face in his hands. Ranma shook  
is head sadly and left.

===

Several days later Ranma walked into Tofu's room in his Sakura disguise.

"You're late again," observed the doctor, "More library research?"

"Yes, I couldn't find the answers in books again." Ranma was making an  
effort to improve her grammar and diction. "Sensei, why do people become  
sports fans? I don't understand."

"Ah, another one of those things that you think everyone else knows.  
Tell me, have you chosen a team to follow?"

Sakura answered, "No, and I don't see why I should. If I don't have a  
friend or relative on the team, why should I care if they win or lose?  
Professional sports teams are industries featuring grown men playing  
boy's games, and I don't understand why I should care..."

"Sakura, the answer to that one is rather deep. Our primitive ancestors  
hunted in packs, much as wolves do. They left us with an instinct to  
assemble into tribes. Now that we no longer hunt for food the  
tribal instinct manifests in urban street gangs, feudal warlords, and  
the like. On a more civilized note it explains our clan system and  
extended families. Followers of a particular team behave like members of  
a 'virtual tribe' - united by a common interest."

Sakura scratched her head. "Okay, but why do some fans become unruly and  
violent?"

Tofu sighed. "Sakura, any mob is less intelligent than the dumbest of  
its members. Remember Akane's 'hentai horde'? The perceived anonymity  
that a crowd confers, especially in the presence of alcohol, loosens  
inhibitions against uncivilized behavior."

Sakura sat in silence for a moment. "Sensei, you're so wise. Do you  
learn stuff like that in med school? If so, I wanna go."

The doctor laughed. "No, they don't teach things like that in school.  
Education will give you the tools to figure them out for yourself. I've  
had more time to explore these questions than you've had - your life has  
been rather hectic until recently, remember?"

Sakura nodded. "I didn't even realize I had these questions, and I  
certainly have had no time for reflection. Thanks, doc."

Tofu leaned back in his chair and smiled. "I've come to a decision,  
Sakura. I'm going to move back to Nerima.'"

"Really? That's a surprise, Sensei."

"I'm want to pay court to Kasumi." There was just the slightest  
hesitation before Tofu spoke _her_ name. His glasses remained  
unfogged.

"Good for you," Sakura replied.

"I have to thank you for giving me the self-control. You don't realize  
it, but you've been teaching me to remain calm while I've been tutoring  
you."

"I'm so glad for you. My serenity effect paid off, huh?"

The doctor nodded.

===

Two years had passed and Ranma was now in college taking pre-med  
courses. Once again he was bored to tears as his anatomy instructor  
droned on. By now Ranma had more first-hand knowledge of anatomy than he  
had ever wanted to have. He still kept one ear open just in case  
something novel came up.

The instructor was discussing the various types of cell in the human  
body. "So that's called a squamous cell," thought Ranma, "an ugly name  
to be sure."

To pass the time Ranma was scanning the other people in the classroom.  
Most were ordinary enough, but one of the female students caught his  
attention. She reeked of magical power! To his senses this girl was up  
there with Saffron, but there was no sign of the refined control that  
marked an expert user. What to do?

Ami Mizuno was dutifully taking notes as usual when a yellow post-it  
note materialized on her desk. Understandably surprised, she picked it  
up and read it. "Can I speak with you after class?" It was signed "R"  
and there was a space for her reply. Ami looked around and found Ranma  
staring at her. Unsure of what to do next, she decided to risk it. She  
wrote "Okay" in the space provided and watched as the note  
dematerialized in her hand, to reappear on Ranma's desk. "Well that was  
interesting," she thought. Ami surreptitiously got out her computer and  
scanned the room.

Ami encountered Ranma in the hallway after class. He said, "I think we  
ought to have a talk. Can I meet you in private for a few hours? I can  
treat you to dinner, that is, if you won't consider it a date."

That was certainly an unusual come-on. "Why do you think we need to  
talk?" Ami asked timidly.

"You have abundant magical power, and I have magical expertise. I think  
we can both benefit from a talk."

Ami was shocked and looked around. "None of them has overheard us, I  
made sure of that," Ranma reassured her.

Ami hadn't much experience meeting boys, but she firmed her resolve.  
"All right then, dinner it is. You're right, we need to talk." She made  
a note to inform the other senshi about this meeting - just in case.

After school the two of them were seated in a private booth in a  
mid-scale restaurant. They ignored the menus lying on their table. Ami  
broke the silence after looking around. "Ranma, what are you? I scanned  
the room, and you didn't register at all, as if your seat were empty."

Ranma made a dismissive gesture. "I'm a martial artist and a magician -  
and I'm skilled in both areas. I keep several cloaking routines  
going to shield myself in case trouble comes looking for me."

Ami raised an eyebrow. "Does trouble come looking for you often?"

"All my life - women, trouble, and chaos seek me out. It's not my fault!  
Though this year has been calmer than most. If you'd like, I'll drop my  
cloaks and let you scan me again."

"Would you?" asked Ami. Ranma nodded and indicated that she could  
proceed. Ami produced her computer and scanned Ranma and the surrounding  
area. She studied the screen for a minute. "You seem to have a  
remarkable amount if life energy and a small amount of magical power.  
There's a high degree of chaos too, as if you had an 'interesting times'  
curse."

"That's my father's doing. He went to extremes to keep me from 'getting  
soft.' Stupid panda."

Ami's curiosity was aroused. "Stupid _panda_?"

For the next two hours, Ranma told Ami a condensed summary of his life  
so far while the two of them nibbled at their meals. Ami found much of  
his story to be unbelievable but she could find no trace of exaggeration  
or prevarication.

Ami dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. "That's an amazing story, Ranma.  
I'm sorry I'm not at liberty to reciprocate until I consult with my  
friends."

Ranma gave a small knowing smile. "You mean your three friends who are  
observing us and trying not to be noticed? I could have invited them too  
and fed all of us, and saved you a bit of trouble."

Ami paled. "How did you know?"

"The same way I spotted you - their power makes them stand out like  
beacons. Look, Ami, I don't want anything from you that you're not  
willing to give, and I can keep secrets. You know where to find me when  
you want me." Ranma stood up and prepared to leave.

"Wait, Ranma. Is your offer to train us still good even if we don't  
confide in you?"

"As long as I don't believe that you're 'bad guys,' my offer still  
stands." Ranma paid the check and left the restaurant, leaving a  
bewildered senshi behind.

===

To be concluded...

This story ends here, although the epilog is already written and will be posted soon.  
I am not going to chronicle the rest of Ranma's life, or even the next year.  
Besides, my muse has run dry, and I'd best quit while I'm ahead.

Want a Ranma/SM crossover? Write your own - even if it's just in your imagination.  
Thanks for reading,

Mike  



	8. 8 Epilogue

The Ultimate Technique - Chapter 8 - Epilog

By Mike Breslau

Disclaimer: Better folks than I own most of the characters that appear  
in this scribbling.

===

Rob sat on the ground leaning against the trunk of the only tree that  
grew on the only hill in the neighborhood. The sun shone brilliantly in  
the clear blue sky. Overhead a few slender aircraft flew silently by -  
they had neither wings nor visible means of propulsion, and seemed to be  
made of glass. Rob ignored them. He often came here to admire the  
scenery. Farmland and a few highways surrounded the hill, stretching  
away to the purpled-by-distance mountains on the horizon.

A bird flew down from the tree and alighted fearlessly on the ground  
near Rob. It did not disturb the tranquility of the moment.

Rob murmured to himself, "Shore is pretty."

"It certainly is," came the unexpected reply.

Rob was startled and looked around. His visitor was an androgynous  
person with red hair and sapphire-blue eyes. The surrounding grasses  
were undisturbed by the stranger's passage. "Sorry, I didn't hear you  
approach," Rob said.

"That's all right," replied the redhead in a friendly tone of voice.

A few minutes passed in companionable silence. "You know," Rob said,  
"I've heard stories about a stranger who wanders the world, righting  
wrongs, healing the sick, and performing miraculous good deeds."

The redhead nodded. "I've heard those stories too."

Rob continued, "They say he's sometimes male, sometimes female,  
sometimes old, sometimes young, and can belong to any race at all. Folks  
argue about whether there's only one of him, or many different people  
taking turns. The only constants seem to be startling blue eyes and his  
silence - unless he's talking he makes no sound at all."

The stranger nodded, saying nothing.

Hearing no objection, Rob went on, "They say he built the hospital over  
there." He pointed. "Built and furnished an entire hospital in one  
morning! Isn't that amazing?"

"Not bad," agreed the redhead.

"But nobody can figure out whom the 'Ukyo' is that 'Ukyo Memorial  
Hospital' refers to."

"Ukyo Kuonji, my friend from more than two thousand years ago," supplied  
the redhead. "It's not surprising that folks don't remember her."

Rob was pleased that the stranger had confirmed his guess about his  
visitor's identity. "Ah. If you don't mind my asking, what are you? Some  
people think you're a ghost, others say you're a kami..."

"I've met ghosts, and I've met kami and demons. I'm not any of those,  
although once some kami tried to recruit me into their ranks."

"Really? What happened?" asked Rob.

"I told them to ask me again after I tired of the life I was leading.  
Kami work behind the scenes, from a distance, and indirectly. That's why  
people have met so few of them. Me, I prefer to work close-up and  
personal."

Rob asked, "So, are you the only one, or are there others?"

"I've never met anyone else like me, so I'm probably the only one," said  
the stranger. "When you're the very best, there can be only one."

In the distance the afternoon Lunar Shuttle climbed swiftly and silently  
into the sky. Like the aircraft, it had no wings or visible means of  
propulsion. Rob and his new friend ignored it because it was a familiar  
sight.

"If you're the only one, do you ever get lonely?" Rob wondered aloud.

"I used to, sometimes, but not anymore. I've had friends, enemies,  
lovers, and spouses. They all grew old and died, beyond my power to save  
them. The pain of separation...was great. Now I seldom form  
relationships - not only to avoid the pain, but also because I have so  
few peers." The redhead paused, then continued. "So many people think it  
would be nice to stay young forever. Take it from me, it's not a good  
idea. Your memory fills up, boredom is a constant threat, and every day  
is like the day before. Besides, it's unnatural. Death is an essential  
part of life, just as important as birth. Without death progress and  
evolution would grind to a halt."

Rob said, "Yet you don't sound sad or regretful."

"I'm not. I enjoy my life, or I wouldn't still be here. I like being a  
paladin, a martial artist, a healer, an architect, a dancer, and so many  
other things. Striving for perfection is good because it's unattainable,  
so you always have room for improvement." The redhead held out her hand  
and a bird flew down from the tree and alit on an outstretched finger.  
The bird twittered happily.

Rob nodded, feeling that he understood somewhat. The bird grew bored and  
flew away.

"As long as I'm here, would you like to be younger?" asked the stranger.

Rob smiled wryly. "I've earned every one of these wrinkles and grey  
hairs. I wouldn't mind if you fixed up my left eye though. The doctors  
can't restore my retina any more."

"Done!" declared the redhead, who proceeded to dissolve into a shower of  
polychromatic sparkling motes. Rob was again alone on his hilltop.

===

Mike 


End file.
